Hello brothers. Feel like this is the only place I want to share this to.

So far I thought I had high standards with women but it looks like I always rationalize something like "she is not as good looking as I want to", "she seems superficial or dumb", "this was too easy" after I approach, have conversation and the girl happens to be "crazy" about me. It's not always, but it happens sometimes that the girl is so slutty that we could do kinky stuff behind the bushes or on the beach at the party. And I think I really want that sometimes.

When she seems all over me I kinda bail out and lose attraction and use one of the rationalizations listed above to not feel like I should have done that.

But today I found something in myself that has been bugging me for some time and I think it might be the cause of all my avoidance with women interested in me. The truth is I haven't had sex in a long time. I had a deep depression a few years ago and a scar I have from that experience is premature ejaculation. I didn't have it before, I was alright'. Also, I only fucked a couple of them prostitutes during and right after that soulless experience, and the truth is I didn't give it a try with a normal girl. But the feeling of getting of in 5 seconds as I put in it has stuck with me ever since.

I'm decent, attractive by the standards of others and women around 30 kinda gaze at me ( I'm 22 ). When I choose to go out and approach I have decent success meaning that girls are interested and sometimes open to nasty stuff, but I always have a block when I feel she's open to playing around. And it finally struck with me today. It is because I am afraid of making a fool of myself if I get off as soon as I put it in. Even if she's not as good looking as I want to, I kinda want to do it, but I think this stops me and makes me come up with bullshit excuses. ( Or could I really be that picky? )

So that's really it. Fear of PE happening might be the only fear I have left in my life now. And it's debilitating.

If anyone has experience with something similar to this I would be grateful to hear your thoughts and advice. Thank you

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TL;DR: Women are interested in me but I am afraid of getting off in 2 seconds because of previous experiences with prostitutes, so I come up with rationalizations to not commit to fucking decent girls (maybe even models if I'm given the chance haha)