How to avoid a common mistake made by people who look to share their accomplishments with others.

What is a humble-brag?

A humble-brag is a brag, hidden behind humility.

Here are some real-life examples of humble-brags (with the grammar corrected):

'It's supposed to be my rest day (from the gym) but I'm too obsessed with self-improvement, so I'm going to at least do a light session.'

‘I just got promoted to a Director position at work. I’m freaking out cos I’m the youngest person in my company’s history to do so! Send help!’

'Between partying with all of my friends, going to the gym and destroying myself at work, I rarely find time for myself. It’s hard being an over-achiever.'

'It's hard to enjoy local Sushi after you've had it at some of the best Sushi restaurants in Japan.'

‘I always get asked if I’m a model. It’s annoying though, as I think I’m way too ugly to be a model’ (said, of course by a conventionally good looking person).’

‘I just got back from a bar session at the Gym. Managed to out-lift everyone, which is crazy, because I didn’t even warm up and just got back from two weeks off. Guess I’ll be sore tomorrow’

'I wish I had time to watch Netflix, but I start getting irritable if I'm not constantly doing something productive with my time'

Why do people humble-brag?

Humble-bragging's prevalence has evolved in line with social media.

Everybody loves to show off what they've got, what they can do, who they know and where they've been.

Many people feel awkward or guilty about sharing their accomplishments with others, afraid they may come off as obnoxious.

As a result, they revert to a humble-brag, as they see it as a way to show-off while hiding behind (false) modesty.

Why do people hate humble-bragging?

It makes you seem dishonest

Humble-bragging is a very obvious form of deception. You're hiding a brag behind a thinly veiled, self-deprecating remark.

In doing so, when a romantic interests reads straight through it (as most people are prone to doing), they view you as dishonest and unable to directly express yourself. They start to think 'if they're proud of what they did, why can't they just tell me.'

This can manifest into distrust towards you in other areas of your relationship.

It makes you seem insecure

When a romantic interest realises you've humble-bragged, they will often think to themselves 'this person loves assuring me of their accomplishments'.

If this behaviour is continuously repeated, they will be left thinking 'this person is desperate for constant validation.'

So what’s the alternative?

There are several alternatives to display your worth, without resorting to humble-bragging. 

Here are some of them:

Own your brag

People view actual bragging as more attractive than humble-bragging. How much better is dependent on your ability to express your brag in a proud and sincerely modest way.

Let’s take an example from before:

- ‘I just got promoted to a Director position at work. I’m freaking out cos I’m the youngest person in my company’s history to do so! Send help!’

A way to share this information with somebody, without humble-bragging would be to say:

‘I just got promoted to a Director position at work. I’ve been working my ass off so I’m really happy.’

No need to tell them you’re the youngest person to do so. If they ever meet your colleagues, they’ll see that for themselves. 

Just own your accomplishment, own the reason you’re proud of it, and leave it at that.

Show them

Actions speak louder than words.

Instead of using a humble-brag to prove to somebody how much you work out and how confident, goal-oriented and worldly you are, let them see it for themselves. 

Your work at the gym will be obvious in your appearance.

Your confidence will be obvious in your demeanour.

Your worldliness will be obvious when you are able to have an in-depth discussion on an obscure conversation (provided it comes up organically.)

Get a wing-person

A wing-person can be extremely helpful in allowing you to brag without any negative connotations. 

People are less likely to believe positive statements said by somebody, when that person is speaking about themself.

They’re far more likely to believe them, if they’re hearing them said of somebody else.

As such, if you have a faithful companion in your corner, spreading the good news of you, a brag holds far more credibility in the eyes of a romantic interest.

Here is a link to the original post.