This is probably just a rant. Or maybe a nice example of how not to interact with women.

I have this female friend I used to fuck from time to time. We (used to) hang out pretty often, drink togheter, sometimes having breakfast, things like that. I know her since high school (I'm 30 now), never really spoke to her or anything, then out of the blue we had a brief relationship (only sexual, non exlusive etc). After that we parted ways, and only several years after that we became friends. I've never had a problem being her friend until now. This winter we had sex once at her place, I slept with her, the morning after we had breakfast togheter, then nothing. We kept hanging out, no more sex, we returned to be just friends. It wasn't a problem for me at the time, I don't know why. We spent the winter hanging out drinking, nothing more. Then we began fucking again, this time the shit goes on for a couple months, then one night, while fucking, I grab her form the hips and threw her off me. I just couldn't do it anymore. I'm depressed I guess, I don't even care, I trhew her beside me on the bed and told her I wasn't in the mood or some shit like that. She was astonished, she's probably never been rejected before. The girl is cock thirsty and me leaving her half done was unacceptable for her.

After that night we never fucked again. Let me be clear on this point: I could have fucked her again if I wanted, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I din't want to get her all fired up only to stop halfway through again.

After that episode I tried to hag out with her as a friend (like we used to do), but everything changed (duh). Sometimes she was bitter, and in a couple occasion, while drinking with me, she began to tell me about the other dudes she was fucking, how good they fucked her so on and so forth. Obviously she was offened by my rejection and that was her revenge. In the past I would have ignored this behavior, but not this time. I got super mad while she was telling to a mutual friend how big was the cock of the dude she was fucking (she know that I'm self conscious., I used all my energy to mantain a straight face, then I just invented an excuse and left the bar, that was too much for me. After that I ignored her for a couple weeks, but then I made another error: She began texting me asking why I was ignoring her and I texted back. I said that we made a mistake when we decided to have sex in the first place and now I just couldn't go back to hang out as friends. She replied that I was hurting her.. "why are you so mean?" .. "does our friendship has no meaning for you?" ... "I you want I wont speak about my other pathners again.." (bullseye, she knew exactly what made me mad). I tried to reassure her that I wasn't mad, I told her that I preferred to talk about those things face to face, not via texts.

Today I met her (we live really close to each other, like 50 meters), and I failed once again. We had some small talk, we talked about vacation, she manipulated the entire conversation basically ridiculing the fact that I was mad and I couldn't do shit about it because I'm not even a man at this point. I have zero frame, I don't even know how to handle the most basic human interactions. At the end of that encounter we are basically friends again because I couldn't find a way of confronting her properly. I could just continue to ignore her but I feel that it's kinda immature. I don't know how to tell her that our years long friendship is over because I couldn't even bring myself to fuck her (even if I wanted to) and then got jelly because she fucked other dudes.

How fucked up am I in a scale from 9 to 10?