I am a recovering opiate addict, Since recovery (62 days) things have been going great. I have been working out, meditating, doing new shit, going back to school, and trying to read as much stuff as I can on here. I used to use opiates because of the confidence it gave me and how good I did with women with it, and just dealing with everyone in general. Since I stopped I have been trying my hardest to gain that confidence without using drugs, I feel like I lost myself with all the years (5) I used and I want to be comfortable with who I am.

-I will often get random spurts of confidence but they shortly go away (I WISH they lasted forever). I have been trying to get out of my comfort zone and become the person I want to be (an alpha male, leader, love myself, mostly just be comfortable in my own shoes no matter the situation, etc.) But I just cant get over the way people treat me still. I feel like people treat me differently than others (I hate getting talked down to). I have been starting to really get comfortable with who I am and where I am going. But it seems people who are used to treating me the way they always did. Really get to me. other guys at work will talk to me like they can push me around (jokingly but it gets to me). and it makes me feel like shit because Idk how to handle this. I see how people treat other guys and I think thats the way I deserve to be treated. I tell people dont talk to me like that and demand respect but sometimes I dont know when I go overboard. I have always been a ball buster and maybe I go over board and then when people give it back to me I cant take it or then they just take me as a joke, How do I get over this from doing it for so many years?

-Another thing is at work, I work with one other guy. We have a lot of tasks to do which we split up to do. sometimes we have someone else stay OT and help. I am not his boss but am higher on the seniority list so I call most of the shots. every time I am asked what hall way (thats how they are split, its always random so any hall way can be good or suck depending on the day) I want I feel bad taking the easy hall way all the time because then it looks like I dont want to work and leave them with the hard stuff. But then I dont always want to take the hard one because that isnt fair, But they make me feel bad if I pick the easy hall way even if I had the hard ones a couple days in a row. its like what do I do here?

And the guy I work with is SOOOO slow he fucks around and it causes things to not get done or for me to pick up the slack because we cant leave until its all done. hes older than me and Idk how to tell him to pick up the pace without seeming like a dick, but then I get fucked over in the end. he was sitting down today and he had shit to do and I said. "you know that room 15 still needs to be done right?" he says "yea I know" then waits to do it and shit doesnt get done right and it looks bad on my part. People complain and It looks like Im always blaming him or I dont want to blame him so I just shut up, I do my job very well and I get frustrated when people bitch at me for something that wasnt my responsibility.

TL;DR I want to be a respected, confident, leader. I want to feel like I did when I used drugs (only without them) It sucks because I drink every now and then and when I am drunk I feel that way too but I hate always having to use something to like who I am. WTF am I to do here? I thought I was doing so good but now I feel so shitty? anyone relate to this?