I’m really having a hard time resolving my need for sexual intimacy and connection while my wife and I are in this early limbo phase of our separation. My wife is extremely avoidant and took her several months before telling me that she wanted to separate. In North Carolina, you are required to separate for a year before being able to divorce. She was quite manipulative for several months. Making me feel like I was doing things wrong, wasn’t enough when all of a sudden she just came out and said that she doesn’t love me anymore and wants to separate. I thought I was doing something wrong, wasn’t doing enough, wasn’t masculine enough. All of these thoughts were insecure thoughts of me just trying to hold onto a relationship that was never meant to be in the first place. Her wanting to leave has nothing to do with me at all.

I felt like I needed to put in a little bit of backstory context. I know what I need, what I don’t need, and the boundaries that need to be put in place. I am a lot more secure now. However, I’ve been so pent up with my knee for sexual intimacy and connection. I have not had sex for half a year or more. I’ve tried meeting people at bar and different places. I have met several people, but I don’t know how to make the next step to actually hook up with anyone. I am honestly nervous of doing so at the same time I know I will feel guilty about being unfaithful in my marriage, although I know that the marriage is over.

If anyone has any help or feedback, feel free to let me know. I can also answer any questions or fill in any holes. Thanks!