I cope my heavy depression with coffee. I have no any vision or motivation other than this drink. I remember the times I still had the power to go forward. Only childhood.

Malnourishing impoverishment and absent/weak cultural background fucked up my life from its basis. I still accept the struggle and try to overcome these, but I know what kind of shit I am going through. I didn't meet any friend more loser than me. As much as my connection with others increases, I better understand how unlucky I am.

You lost your best years to abyss and preparing to next ones that awaiting you for becoming a slave and a pawn for war. You're the most insignificant, cheap and dim one. Everybody see you as vulnerable one and they are correct. You are intentionally prepared that way to easily used by someone. Your destiny fixed that way. You have no any power over your destiny. You are that 1 count adds to thousands of insignificant ones.

It gets only harder and harder to keep going as much as you know better. I hate it. I know I am nothing and its load crushes my soul till I started to realize it, from childhood.