Hello, this is my first post here. But, I love behavioral psychology, I do read TRP a lot, I used to comment from time to time giving advice in comments on my other account and I'd like to see what people think about my reflections on why "exclusive dating" is more of a trap than it is what one expects it to be; to the extent I find it paradoxically somewhat antithetical to exclusivity.

I feel like, as a person who is at a stage in his life that he is motivated to find a partner to settle down with and is interested in exclusive dating, I have been willing to invite partners I liked to date exclusively - but in practice I found that this had near exclusively downsides.

I feel like inviting someone to date exclusively places metaphorical handcuffs on you, but these cuffs seem to only be good for being used against you. You cannot take for granted that your partner isn't messing around/playing games, but you are suddenly held to expectations that you cannot guarantee your partner is. If you are caught, you will be eaten alive - but if she is caught, she won't care she's already cheating anyway.

If you are locked in by exclusivity, it is safe for your partner to explore an exciting new option/potential upgrade BECAUSE she knows you are safe at home being exclusive and loyal. It's risk free for her to just explore a different option. Meanwhile you're having your time wasted and generally getting frustrated and dragged.

By refusing to date exclusively, you avoid all of these problems. You are no longer codependent on each other, the cuffs can no longer be used against you. Your partner will know that you are not exclusive - if she neglects you to divert her attention to a new potential upgrade, you will be free to do the same. By not being exclusive, you force each other to actually be exclusive because neglecting each other has the potential to result in losing your secure mate.

That's the gist of my theory. I don't think it's worth it to ask a girl to be exclusive with you; if the relationship is GOOD then you don't need to ask to be exclusive, if you're always spending time with each other you are exclusive. The need for an agreement to be exclusive only arises when things are not going well, and then your trapped and that agreement will only work against you.

I've been in a few situations and, based on a polling of friends, I decided to try just being like hardcore faithful to anyone that I really wanted things to workout with until it was OVER over, before I tried going out on dates with anyone else. And all i can say is that i have NOTHING to show for that investment in any of the times I tried it.

So when I met a new girl, I just decided "let's keep it open. If oyu want me to be exclusive to you, then be here. if you're not here, i'll go somewhere else." And, so far it has really worked really well. And I really think that this is how healthy relationships should be.

When my ex broke up with me, the next week I asked another girl out on a date, and when my ex find out - (we kept talking every day after the break up) - she was furious that i was entertaining a new woman with a "potential girlfriend" already after she LITERALLY explicitly went out of her way to clarify we were broken up. Guys, these women will twist any situation to the definition that is most convenient to them; we all know if the tables turned and I found out that she had a date she would have been like 'are you nuts? we are broken up.' Don't give women ammo to chain you in place while they play games / mess around. Keep it open so that the playing field is level, and you will have better results with exclusivity.