18 year old. I am currently attending college at a decent school for STEM, and have some issues that I have realized I have over these past months with rp knowledge.

Im gonna list some of the steps I have already took:

I was well aware of hoes, sloots, etc, way before RP. Im sure some of you know the misc saying of "sloots gon sloot". Pretty much means AWALT but in a more casual and direct way. I tried applying it with a past plate and had tons of success but then I found rp and realized I still had made vast mistakes in the time we were together.

I lift and have been. Doing a cycle of test right now. 5'10 at around 195lbs. maybe 15-16% body fat. Can bench around 315 for 3 reps. Lifting is crucial to me and nothing can/will take that away from me.

I speak 3 languages, one not fluent. Have lived in other countries also(rp countries)..Dad and grandpa were super alpha but dad was never around, only saw him couple of times and grandpa was dead before I meet him. Mom also has a strange rp mentality for a woman, and isnt scared of working 3 jobs with struggle for promotion which she blames on her english, not being a woman. She also gave me advice on past relationships that I thought were stupid but found out were rp "hard next, no contact, keep seeing more girls..etc"

To my issues.

No hobbies. I work part time and make decent money(got a new job making $20 an hour..maybe more), but other than that nothing. I have checked out some books at the library but never seem to pick them up and read them daily..which I need to start. I want to have some hobbies but im not sure what exacty. I was thinking MMA but I am still trying to find the right school. I would also really like to do some photography or something with the chance to shoot party stuff, or even make films, DJ, make music..but I feel like I am too late to start and I have no social skills to do so which brings me to my next problem.

One of my biggest issues. I have social problems up the ass. I thought it was just because I was nervous or what but its just I dont know how to act around people. Before I got diagnosed with low T, I was killing it. I could go and talk to the hottest girl in any place, call her out on whatever and invite her to come to my house(not necessarily the right thing, BUT..I had the balls is what I mean to say). Same with guys, could befriend anyone and at the same time didnt think I was better than anyone. But then after I got diagnosed I went in depression. Dropped all my friends, only had one plate whom I dropped because I couldnt get hard anymore. And after over 1 year of no sexual contact with a girl or friends, even after getting my T levels fixed I have lost all my balls(literally and metaphorically lol.) and have no social cues. I feel like I have developed aspengers at times. Whatever I need to do ill do it. I just want to have the confidence and balls that I used to have, hence why I am looking for a hardcore MMA place..not some run the drills and never go full contact bullshit.

Some examples would be around guys I am very bland. When I meet someone knew we talk about stuff like school, gym, but never get into lets go out tonight together(no homo, just as buddies) or lets get drunk..etc. I also worry about saying the wrong things around guys as I dont wanna sound like a fucking idiot. Also I judge alot. I always look at dudes in competition and think to myself "look at this loser, dude barely lifts..talks about dumb ass stuff..etc" but then later I realize he is chad thundercock and is the president of so and so fraternity, or is rich, or is just actually very social and friendly..etc. I realize this is very wrong.

Now around women I am garbage. I mean completely bad. Ill make stupid remarks around them that make no sense. When in a group I tend to try to act stoic, but end up looking antisocial. Ill have this frown on me like im trying to play a bad boy but then I never even talk to any girls in social settings. I get nervous and spout crap. I also tend to try to act(in my head) like I am all mighty and keep to myself. Basically I have no clue how to be fun.

Last that I can think off. I have extreme self-steem issues. I keep thinking that I dont get girls/friends because of certain things. Before I thought it was because I was too skinny. Now I feel like when I get to 8% ill finally get laid. Its like never ending. And I dont consider myself bad looking at all..heck Ill send a pic to any of you if you want it in pm. Arms, legs, facial structure..its all solid in my opinion but my body/face image issues keep making me think I have something wrong and I must get bigger and leaner for me to have a chance.