Summary: I'm having difficulties swallowing the pill, it seems so horrible i still can't manage to accept it. And i need some help to get me out this phase.

Body: Hello everybody, I still can't manage to properly swallow the pill, i'm between anger and disbilief right now, especially because I recently got out of a LTR and i still don't get some of the dynamics involved into it.

She was in a previous LRT when we met, and i can honestly say she'd gladly cheat if i wanted to take her. Her ex boyfriend was a friend of mine, we went through a huge shitstorm just to be together. The relationship started in a huge mess. I waited till she broke up to get with her boyfriend, because i felt it was more "morally acceptable" this way. We spent almost a year together, the first one or two months were absolutely great, she was telling me that she loved me (or better, now i'd say that "she loved the emotions i was able to provide her", not me), and i felt like loving her aswell.

She's VERY good looking, with a perfectly shaped body and huge fake boobs...she's into cosplaying, posting selfies on facebook to get all the compliments from beta males, and worst of all..she was hanging around some dudes who were clearly interested in her, while we were still together (self validation at its finest). That made me very pissed off (it's normal, i guess), but i was putting up with all that shit because "i loved her", and hoped that she would eventually understand that all that attention whoring was just a phase and she would eventually grow up (she was 20 at the time).

Time goes by, i get more and more beta, she becomes my everything and i lose focus on my life, sex becomes practically non existant...and she was still hanging out with these random "friends" who were clearly after her. I could feel i was becoming less and less important to her, until one day i simply felt it was horrible the way i was being treated and left (i tried to get back with her later on, tbh).

I discovered TRP shortly after, and applying some of its principles i managed to plate her (said that i was ok with our breakup, faked that i had options and that i didn't care. Also begun to fake a much more prominent dominance).

Now we see each other every once in a while, i get a good blowjob (still couldn't fuck her due to lack of a place to do it) and i finger her while whisper in her hear "how a huge slut she is and how she likes being used".

After our last encounter, she told me something like this "i feel wonderfully around you, if the situation wasn't so messed up i bet we could have kept this atmosphere forever". WHAT. THE. FUCK.

You fucking retarded bitch were hanging out with other dudes who were clearly hitting on you, telling me several bullshit in order to keep me quiet, secretly talking to your ex boyfriend while we were still together..and you feel absolutely no remorse for being such a crappy person?

Why are you still fucking me? Is that just fun? How can you tell somebody "i love you", then fall out of love, then proceed to fuck him without having any bonding feeling toward that person? How come if you feel so "wonderful" around me you just accept the fact that we don't talk anymore, hang out anymore, but just occasionally we craze around? What kind of monster can do that? where did all the feelings go?

Yes, i still think of her, and despite knowing she's a shitty human being, part of me still wants to be with her.

Please, enlighten me, insult me if you think it's right, but tell how is it even possible that somebody just falls completely out of love with you but still manages to use you a very well made dildo.