5 ways female narcissists abuse their male partners (article)

avoidingpsychos · 2024-09-08T18:36:42+00:00

Men get abused too.

While they may be less likely to be beaten up physically, they are just as easily mentally, emotionally, and psychologically abused as women.

When it involves narcissism, gender doesn’t matter. A narcissist may as well be an androgynous figure. Someone with these tendencies will indiscriminately abuse to get their way. Men, women, children, the elderly, and often animals get the tail end of their exploitation and mistreatment.

Disclaimer: Every technique below can be used by male narcs as well and won’t apply to every case. This is an article written specifically on abusive narcissistic women and how they manipulate and injure the men in their lives. It may apply to other types of relationships as well.

Throwing Boundaries Around Like Knives Many female narcissists are well aware of the word boundaries and the ways in which they are commonly used by the general public.

This is the exact reason why it is dangerous to go to couples counseling with anyone narcissistic.

They will learn the… They will use them against you at a later date. Anyone can do this, but narcissistic women do it with precision. The word boundary becomes a heat-seeking missile they can deploy to control their partners.

Doesn’t like his hobby-> against her boundary Doesn’t want him to see his family -> against her boundary Doesn’t approve of his friends -> against her boundary She isn’t getting her way -> against her boundary A boundary is for the individual who has it. It is not to be used against another person as a battering ram. Boundaries are “If/Then” statements meant to protect you, not to punish another person. When used in this way, they are said to excuse bad behavior.

They use the word boundary as the reason why they did whatever terrible thing they have done.

These are examples of healthy boundaries:

If you abuse me, then I will leave. If you cheat on me, I will not be in this relationship for another moment. These are examples of manipulation camouflaged as boundaries:

If you don’t take me on vacation, then I am free to spend all the money in our savings account. If you go to visit your mother on Sunday, then I will take the children and divorce you. The nuance in this is in the intention behind the statement.

There is no one-size-fits-all scenario. In the example above about visiting his mother. This could be a healthy, legitimate statement made if the husband has a long history of ignoring his family for his parent or is using the “story” of visiting his mother as an excuse to hide his true actions (like an affair or addiction). There will always be variances in which any statement could be appropriate.

{The same thing goes for the word gaslighting. This is another common term that is used for abuse by female narcissists.}

Pretending To Be Helpless Many men have a White Knight fantasy whether they know it or not.

A female narcissist knows how to use innocence, mixed with sexuality to groom men. It can be an intoxicating brew.

People in general like to be useful and appreciated. Many men love it when the woman in their life sees them as a protector and provider. A skilled female narcissist knows this and will use it to their advantage.

Feigning vulnerability is a quick way to get attention. It does double duty because not only does it spark the helper/savior role but it also sets up the dynamic that she needs someone to come to her aid because she isn’t capable of doing things for herself. This is a tactic called Weaponized Incompetence.

Imagine a coworker you have that is always messing up easy jobs. Do you continue to ask them to do things, or do you do it yourself because it’s more simple than cleaning up their mistakes? This is the same concept.

Forgetting to pay bills, getting fired from multiple jobs, running the gas tank to empty, overspending on accounts, etc… These are all ways the female narcissist will pretend they are just bad at it.

This seems to always lead to one result. Once the weaponized incompetence is established and their partner has taken over the roles the female narc has refused to do, they are given a Golden Nugget!!!

They now get to complain to anyone who will listen that they are being controlled. You will hear things like:

He won’t let me go to the gas station and fill up my own car. He took away my credit card. He pays all the bills and I don’t know what they are. He has a job and I am stuck at home all day alone. These are all legitimate complaints if their partner is controlling and abusive to them. That’s not what I’m talking about here. This is when the female narcissist sets up this dynamic on purpose and then uses it to get supplied with attention and sympathy from outside sources.

They don’t want to do the things they complain about. What they want is the story. The story gets them further supply. The story sets up the smear campaign. The story provides them with an excuse for the way they are behaving.

Using Sex As A Reward/Punishment Sex is powerful. It’s built into our system. Using sex to trick your partner into doing something you want is an example of coercive control. Which is an abuse tactic.

Narcissists often use sex as a means to control others. Often it is through two means. 1. the promise of future sex or 2. withholding sex.

A female narc is like a siren. Sexuality and coyness are dangerous to someone hungry for affection. Whether sex is outright promised or alluded to doesn’t matter, both tactics were used to attain the upper hand.

A sad truth-> The use of sex to get what they want is often applauded and accepted as good by others.

Have you ever heard a girlfriend say “I told him no sex until he XYZ…”

The XYZ can be anything:

Cancel boy’s night with his friends Choose her over another woman. Leave a job Buy a high-ticket item Agree to have kids Recognizing coercion can be very tricky. At times, there is a fine line and it is hard to discern. It is one thing to not want to have sex because you aren’t in the mood, don’t feel loved/safe, or simply don’t want to. Those are normal reasons to refuse sex. However, using sex as a tool to control someone is toxic.

Withholding is a narcissistic abuse tactic used to create longing and elicit emotional pain in victims. A female narcissist may withhold all forms of physical affection, to persuade her male victim to accommodate her wishes.

Physical touch is a love language that can be easily affected by using the threat or promise of sex.

(If you tell your partner outright, sex as a reward can be a fun game couples play together, but when it is done in secret with ulterior motives, it’s not for fun)

If you read mistress articles on Medium you will find this is a highly used coercion tactic. “I will not sleep with you again until you leave your wife.” It is lauded as affecting change or holding their boundary, but it is coercive control using sex as a weapon.

This is an especially targeted use of sex if their affair partner is coming from a “dead-bedroom” marriage. They use the threat of returning to a dead-bedroom situation, with yet another woman, to create panic in the affair partner. This tactic is set up for failure because of the high level of resentment that happens on a delay. When they realize they were manipulated, these men are apt to regret leaving their families and changing their life circumstances.

ludicrousdisplayofD · 2024-09-08T18:15:27+00:00

For people who really want to read OP's article: https://www.removepaywall.com/search?url=https://medium.com/what-the-heck-just-happened/5-ways-female-narcissists-abuse-their-male-partners-ffb6ae037dea

Eye_Qwit · 2024-09-08T15:29:03+00:00

If you're going to post something, make sure we can access it. Otherwise you come off like a spam bot.

Title	5 ways female narcissists abuse their male partners (article)
Author	avoidingpsychos
Upvotes	223
Comments	6
Date	September 8, 2024 2:25 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1fbz06k/5_ways_female_narcissists_abuse_their_male/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/5-ways-female-narcissists-abuse-their-male.1529809 https://theredarchive.com/post/1529809

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