Since my last post, a lot of people have asked me for specifics on good text-game. I’ve made quite a few posts on this topic before, but this one is mainly aimed at beginners. 

These 3 things are the absolute basics of how to text girls properly and make sure you secure a date/hookup with them. I’ve purposefully left out most of the more advanced stuff to make this more actionable for beginners, if you’re looking for those check my other posts/online dating guide.

Text-game is one of those things that most guys absolutely suck at, and don’t even wan’t to learn. When I was starting out, texting girls felt super unnatural and most of the time, I’d completely fuck it up. 

But, this is exactly why learning it is so good. It puts you ahead of the competition by incredible amounts…

The best part is that it’s surprisingly simple. If you can master these 3 principles, you’ll already be ahead of 90% of guys, especially on places like online dating apps. 

Oh, and if you think that text-game is useless and you should instantly ask her out etc. stop reading, this post will have no value for you… Every guy that’s experienced with online dating knows, that girls need a bit more than that to actually go on a date or hookup with you. 

Principle 1 - The “Vibe”

I’ve reviewed a lot of conversations for guys that have ordered profile reviews etc. from me. The number #1 mistake that I’ve seen almost every guy make is that the vibe of the conversation is completely off. 

These are the principles of a typical convo, where the vibe is completely off:

  1. Interview like. You stick to logical topics and questions, never flirting, teasing or making the girl feel anything. This typically looks like you asking her a question, her giving a short response, you responding with something equally boring and asking her something else. Questions are fine sometimes, just don’t go overboard with them..
  2. Too formal. This ties into #1 a bit, but a lot of guys text like they’re sending work emails… You’re not setting an appointment, you’re flirting with a woman. Send some emojis or say some dumb shit once in a while, at least you won’t be boring and you’ll learn what works. Anything is better than being boring with text-game. 
  3. All push, no pull. This mainly comes from guys being too invested in the girl. They constantly ask questions about her, text her back super fast and again, never take any risks with flirting or teasing. Eventually, the girl either gets bored and stops replying, or you make a half-assed effort to ask her out, and get an endless list of excuses for why she’s so busy this week...

So what should you do? 

Here are the principles of a good and exciting conversation with a girl, where the vibe is attractive:

  1. Laid-back, casual. Leave the super-deep soul searching questions for the date. The reality is, girls on dating apps etc. don’t want to put in a ton of effort into texting. If you keep asking her super elaborate questions that you think are really interesting, at some point she’s just going to say “fuck it” and stop responding. The vibe should be very casual, throw in some jokes, flirting etc.
  2. Flirty. When you’re texting girls, you HAVE TO flirt with them. If you don’t do any flirting and stick  to logical topics, they’ll conclude you’re going to be the same way on a date. And why would they want to go on a date with a man who’s too scared to flirt with them? To keep this post short I haven’t included examples, check my other posts for real-life examples on how I do this.
  3. Push AND pull. Use some takeaways and teasing in the convo. If she says something that you don’t agree with etc. hit her with “Damn, I’m cancelling the wedding…” etc. - Way more exciting than the guy who’s gonna say: “Oh wow, I so agree with you!!”. Agreeing with a girl does absolutely nothing for you, disagreeing might spark some flirty banter and teasing, which will make her attracted and excited by you. 

Principle 2 - Make shit happen

You have to move the conversation forward. The girl needs to know you aren’t there to be her text-buddy, you’re there to DATE her. 

Here are a couple of my favourite ways to do this.

1 - Mention the idea of a date early. This is by far one of the most effective text-game principles I’ve learned. Just inserting the word “our date” into something is usually enough, here’s an example: 

She tells you she loves a band or genre of music. 

The typical guy would say something like: “Wow, I like them too!” or “Yeah that’s a nice band, ever been to their concerts???”

You, knowing good text game will say: “Nice, now I know what we’re listening to on our date”

She tells you she likes books.

The typical guy: “I love reading too!” or “What kind of books” 

You: “Nice, I’ll remember to take you to a bookstore on our date then”

And afterwards, if you actually care, you can still ask her “What do you like to read?” or any other question, and you should! - Just adding that flirty bit first makes her way more engaged to actually talk to you. 

(Btw that bookstore line has gotten me laid at least 5 times this year…)

2 - Soft closes. A soft close means getting her to agree to the “idea of a date” with you, without a set time or place yet. You’re essentially “checking” that she’s down for seeing you, without putting the pressure of making plans on her yet.  

Here are a couple of soft closes I use constantly: 

  • When you’ve talked about what you’re doing today/this week etc: “I wonder if we’ll find time for our romantic date this weekend 🤔”
  • A very basic, general but effective one: “We should get together sometime soon”
  • She’s complaining about a rough work-day etc: “Sounds rough, I bet a bottle of wine and movie would do you some good this weekend..”
  • “Any weekend plans”. Yes, seriously. If the girl wants to see you, she’ll say that she’s free. If she doesn’t, you’ll get a humongous list of stuff she’s doing. 

You should always link soft closes to something you’ve already talked about, so it feels more natural.

If she responds negatively/very neutrally to the soft-close, keep talking and flirting to build more investment from her.

If she responds positively, hard-close confidently. 

Principle 3 - Relevance to her

People, especially girls love to talk about themselves. A lot of guys will complain about girls not responding etc. and most of the time, it's because they're talking about shit she doesn't care about at all. So steer the topics into things she’s interested in. With online dating, you can get quite a bit of ideas for this just from her profile, even basic stuff from her pictures (anything physical such as tattoos are good since you can transition into flirting very easily from them)

But, if her profile is shit and you really can’t figure anything out, just guess. Cold-reads are a staple of good flirting for a reason. Instead of asking questions about stuff, just replace them with any of the following:

“You seem like…”

“You look like a…”

And then follow with whatever comes to mind.

Even if you’re wrong, she’ll probably be curious what prompted you to say that, which will lead to a more engaging convo than just interviewing her. And, just telling you what you think/feel is a lot more confident than asking her. Sounds weird, but it's 100% true.

Conclusion

When I started with all this, text-game was the #1 thing I struggled with. It felt completely unnatural and I had absolutely no clue what I was doing. But, I practiced, tried shit out and now it works very well for me. 

I can 100% promise, that if you can nail these 3 things, you’ll be ahead of the competition. Probably by quite a lot…

If you disagree, talk to literally any girl that has used dating apps. They’ll be the first to tell you that most guys absolutely fucking suck at even these basic things.

90% of guys will beat around the bush never asking her out, they won’t flirt and if they do, they’ll do it in a creepy or overly-sexual way, they’ll go into interview mode and keep asking her questions until she stops responding, they’ll talk endlessly about shit she doesn’t care about, get ghosted then go on reddit and talk about how shallow women are…

Don’t be like those guys. Just practice this stuff and you will get better. I promise. 

I’ll be posting some more texting breakdowns soon of real Tinder conversations that have led to hookups, be on the lookout for those…

Let me know what you thought of this post! Till next time.