Intro:

So I've been separated from my wife for a month and some change now. We've been together for 5 Years and married for 4. We've had 3 Miscarriages together and it was my 4th overall. The first one with my wife broke me into pieces, and the last one happened on my mother's birthday in 2024. This is our third separation now. I've stepped away from my career due to my life affecting my performance. This time around, our marriage is down the drain completely. We talked and agreed on separation. We both were checked out. I was forcing myself back into our marriage, and she checked out.
I've been praying to God recently to help restore our marriage and myself. It's a journey, ya'll.

Fast forwarding to specific dreams (All dreams are after separation)

1st Dream: 

I was walking through the apartment and I hear her moaning. I'm already preparing myself for what's to come. She was masturbating in the master bedroom. I looked at her then I looked around. I saw a man watching her from the corner of the room. I don't know this person at all. I believed this was a sign. I was there processing it all and I walked out. One of her Co-worker maybe? idk. Confused and frustrated, but I CANNOT do anything. 

2nd Dream:

She was happy to see me, as if, she was ready for my return, but it was short-lived. Her smile filled my heart. Was this a sign to stay patience? Was the first dream from the enemy? idk. I felt powerless.

3rd Dream (Spiritual Dream):

She is outside having a great time along with my step-daughter with people who I don't know. They didn't acknowledge me at all. They never looked at my direction. Then, I'm in my old apartment (which is hers now); I see two men walking towards the apartment. A knock on the door. I prayed before I opened the door. They were just standing there with a smile. The look in their eyes were demonic reaping with evil energy. They asked me if they can come in. I told him NO and get away from this area before I call the cops. They both ran as fast as they could. I believe these were demons trying to enter my spirit because I'm very vulnerable at the moment. I woke up to pray and I've talked to God for a good bit. I believe this was a test of some kind.

4th Dream (Literally woke up from to write this reddit post.)

Long story short, I am back at the old apartment and I walked in to our master bedroom. I'm happy to be back but I see my wife recording a video for someone. She was startled by my entrance and she gathered herself. She said "this is why I don't you here." I woke up immediately and here I am.

Honest Conclusion:

I'm processing my emotions everyday. I'm high, I'm low, or I'm in cruise control. I lost myself in the marriage and became bitter. I didn't lose my purpose. I wasn't man enough to DEFINE MY PURPOSE. Yesterday, I bought some new shoes, and a basketball. This is the first time in 5 years I wanted to go outside and move! I'm 32 now and life is hard. Starting all over again is hard. Choosing to stay in my profession or deciding to switch careers is a hard pick to make.

I honestly miss wife. I miss our marriage.
All my dreams ended with my spirit being attacked.
I can't get a good night rest for the duration of our current separation. 
I can't control life, just my attitude.
If we survive and come back together, great; if not, that's great as well.
I won't be happy but I'm not about to sulk in misery either.
I don't want a marriage if we both dishonest. We've seen each other at our best and worst.
Everything happens for a reason. It's my job to continue no matter what.

Stay Strong fellas

P.S. If you read this thank you. I don't have no one to talk to. My energy is pure motion at this point. If I don't where I would be.