I (37m) have been separated to my ex (36m) going on 2 years. I'm looking for a bit of guidance.

Summary of the story is, I met her about 10years ago. She had a 2 year old daughter, whom I grew close to and became her sole father figure. We had a second child 1.5 years later. The relation was always a little rocky, mostly because we both wanted to keep being free, but not in the same ways.

She faces a lot of family pressure of having her life look a certain way financially, and that pressure was in-turn put onto me. My freedom looked like enjoying my time, and living a life of enjoyment (mostly within reason). There was times where I chose to live like a 27 year old with less responsibilities than I actually had. Not accruing any debts, or doing anything unfaithful/drug related, but definitely putting my own needs first in the ways that would require my ex-wife to have to pick-up more than her own share for a day (hangover).

We went through a few rough patches, because she grew obsessive of my time and her kids, which made for a pretty trapped life.

When her attention bids were met with resistance, she had an affair with a co-worker, spanning 1 year. When she announced that this had happened many months after, I felt the best thing for me was to end the relationship. We decided on a 50/50 split, I pay child support for both kids, and I was able to refinance the family home to retain it.

Since this happened, it's been bouts of hot and cold behavior, a string of unwillingness to help me do anything remotely special for my kid, she guilts them for not coming to see them when they are on my, she refuses allow me phone calls when they are her home, she's constantly calling and trying to be present in my life.

If had the fortune of meeting someone and she's amazing, but her incessant presents is rightfully affecting our relationship. We can't go a day without having her try and meddle in our life through the kids in one form or an other.

I am aware that my boundaries are to firm, I'm just lost on how to make this stop. I have a hard time gauging when my kids are actually in need of their mother, and when they're just being convinced to spend less time with me. I have been lenient but it's causing me a tremendous amount for grief. I have a meeting with a mediator next week, I guess I'm just trying to see what else I can do?