Okay, so I'm not really sure how to condense what I'm saying. It might come off as a little rambly because I guess I'm still not sure what my problem is and where I need to fix things.

I've always had some TRP views even pre-finding TRP, I'm extroverted and socializing has come easily for me. Though I'm the type of person that's quiet up until I have something of worth to say, and when I speak, I've noticed that everyone listens to me. I can go into town, find friends to hang out with, and end up going to dinner with them and their friends that same night. (Met two dudes, went to dinner with those two, and three girls they were meeting.) Though one of my few problems is that they'll talk about whatever and I'll sit there waiting for somewhere that I can jump in. I can't connect with a lot of people to where I'm talking their ear off on the first night, as that comes with time for me. I just summed it up to the fact that I'm kind of a lone wolf type when it comes to socialization and I'm not really the life of the party. I'm stable though, confident in who I am, body's decent even though I'm not going to the gym, I do workout.

I'm in a LTR, been going strong for 1 year and 2 months. It just seems like a lot of TRP views are against LTRs and you can apply what you read on the main sub to your daily life, it just seems like it doesn't really apply to mine. I've noticed that I've fallen into the category of thinking that my relationship is different than others just because I'm dating a girl that I was friends with for 5 years before I started dating her. I'd always talk to her about cars and other things and thought of her as a best friend until I saw her after a few years and we just ended up getting physical on the couch. Never knew she had feelings for me. So they picked up and I've been dating her for a year now and we're going strong. Early on I was insecure and we hit some bumps and almost broke up, though I walked out and she came back so I gave things another shot and she hasn't stressed out enough to cause something like that again.

So I guess where I fall into a weird in between area is that I feel like I've grown complacent with the relationship. I'm not going to lie, it is a LDR, I am young, and I'm okay with having her for the rest of my life. It's just that I've grown a bit confused with reading TRP and accepting it, and keeping and maintain this relationship that I have. We talk a lot, and since we were close before, it's pretty often too. The one problem that I've noticed tonight when i was talking to her is that it seems like I've kind of been forced into this mentality that it's not "Okay" for me to leave her alone. Even though she says that it's fine and she doesn't want to be that type of clingy girlfriend, it seems like I was trained into this mindset that if she's alone that she's not doing well. (She was suicidal for a while and pretty depressed.) I'm not going to lie, sometimes I miss the nights where I would just relax by myself and be able to think to myself, but other times it's like I have nothing better to do, so it's okay that we talk all the time.

I don't know whether to think that I'm deluding myself into thinking that my relationship with her isn't clingy and that I'm not a Beta-ish person, but then things like me getting some alone time make me feel like I am for feeling bad for leaving her alone. I'm a little confused and just don't know where I stand.

I have big goals in life. One thing that I've always talked about is exploring, it's just what I've always wanted to do. I wanted to get out there and not live the classic life of settling down early, being a journalist or something and seeing the world. Though my goals really don't match what I'm doing. She wants the same things, same goals but she wants to be a graphics artist and explore the world. Policy is no kids until like 28 or 30, and still then it's a huge maybe. She's okay with that. Plan to go cliff diving in Hawaii for my 18th. But the LTR is where I find some discrepancies between my goals and what I'm doing.

I want to lift more, I want to see the world, I want to do what I want to do, I want to be the best person I can be, I want to get to where I want to go. But I know that I'm still in the stage of kind of finding myself.

When I said I was young, I wasn't really joking.. I didn't mention it earlier because I didn't want jaded views on the relationship thing just because I'm young and I "could have more" options. I'm 16, I'm homeschooled, I have RP views, I know that I don't thrive in introverted places but in extroverted situations I'm quiet until I've got something worth saying, and when i say it, it's always heard. I was raised in a military household and that's where I feel I get my sense of morals and stuff. But yeah.

I guess I just don't know where I'm at and whether I should go down the path of TRP and risk the relationship but get my goals, or whether I should stick to the relationship and see it out to where I may get to my goals eventually.

I've looked through and wanted to do many different career paths but can't really choose on what I truly, deep down, want to do. And I don't really have a lot of guidance in my life, I've never honestly had a figure who could shape me into the man I want to be, so I learned on my own through my own experiences. Dad wasn't around and was deployed a lot, so it's kind of just been me.

Anyways, that probably came off rambly and confusing but I just needed to say something about it and possibly get some guidance. I've held some of that in for a while and hit my wall. If I could get some feedback or answers to some of my questions, that'd be awesome. I can clarify if it needs to be, I just didn't know how to sort it all and just blurted it out. Thanks in advance, whether this gets attention or not, just needed to get it out there.