Hi!

I am a forty something year old man, married with a woman in my own land for 10 years now.

Profiles:

I work in IT, flexible job, been remote since before it was in fashion. This proves quite handy when raising two children. Quite healthy, barely (5 times a year) drinking, non-smoker, no drugs, spending all money for the family.

She is in public relations for a state institution, 40 minutes commute, but work is 6 hours a day, lucky her. She's had t1 diabetes all her life, and I came to believe (just before our first was born) that it affected her brains. They say metabolism issues create mental issues, and the other way around. Since our second is born, I am convinced of it. She cleans the house reluctantly, cooks once a week, but only for the kids, sex is less and less (now it's become clearly on Easter, Christmas and birthdays).

Some details.

She's quite paranoic (I may too at times, but I quickly question myself and fix things), sometimes choleric and loses control over her temporary convictions over no matter what. Also, schizophrenic (or maybe faking it), because she seems to invent things. On various topics.

But the main topic is: once help with raising kids stopped (when our first was almost 1 year old), she started yelling, losing her temper, calling the child names, rarely showing restrain. I had to stop her from hitting the child just as she was 1 year old and threatened her to stop or she won't see her again. She's always making up excuses, saying she "has a reason" to act like [fill in] and yell, and call the child names (crazy, animal, not her child). At around 3 or 4, the girl began the show social issues, and was diagnosed with some light profile of Asperger. But she's been through regular kindergarden, and is now in public school, doing quite well.

Then help came again, both from the family, and from a nanny. She balanced herself a bit, just enough not to make me lose it. But there were other episodes, like letting the child fall when getting out of the taxi, calling me and the girl names in public, yelling for two whole hours in the car when coming back from a vacation she cancelled when we arrived there.

Second child came, a boy. She appears to be fond of him, caring for him in one month more than in the previous 3 years for the first child. But little by little, wife started to lose it with the second child too. Hit him, hit the girl too (with objects). On the average, she still shows a bit more affection for the younger one. The boy is a bit better with social skills, but is sometimes mad and quite violent, for no obvious reason.

Now and then (maybe once every 10 weeks?) I can see her old self, a bit gentler, just a bit affectionate, and oriented towards a life together. But it does not last more than 3 or 5 days.

Lack of love towards me is not an issues, but I would appreciate some sort of respect. However, I have been schocked by her behaviour towards the children.

Of course, wife blames me for whatever is not good/perfect, and regularly threatens with divorce.

I pity her a bit, but I pity the children as they have almost no mother love. Living somewhere east of Italy, the law is made to favour women, so I believe divorce is out of the question, because then the children would be really lost. Now I still think they can be saved.

But how?