Hi, so today I'm actually feeling good, woke up early before the kiddos woke up. That is rare because I pick my children up after work, so on my first day off, I sleep in with the children. Today woke up and went for a run. Fed my son. Got my daughter fed. Got their clothes ready and prepped. My mom helped with the hair. Been struggling with braids lately.

Just something happened last night. My voice may be loud I wonder when I wake up from a sleep. My daughter spilled her drink and panicked for me not to be upset. I said it's fine, I can clean it, we all go back to bed, and no big deal. Makes me wonder if she doesn't want me to be upset at her, or if she is worried that if I am upset at her, she will lose the only support she has in life.

These were thoughts on my run. Because my ex would always be the stern parent. Criticize me for not being stern or toughen up. If my child didn't apologize right away, my ex wanted me not to let my child do any activities for the day. I say she said sorry, took a moment to be in a time out/cool off zone, and now will learn we can go to the playground but will just have less time. Not going to cancel the plans we had she is 5 years old.

Then my ex would be yelling at our oldest child, and she would be too afraid to say anything or hide behind me. Then that led to a lot of strained relationships with my ex. My ex sometimes would lock herself in the bedroom upset that my oldest child loved me more.

Then that leads to my other thought. Yesterday, oh, I can't believe what my oldest did. Told me right in front of her mom, "I love you, Dad, you are the best. " I dismissed it till the doors were shut and we were driving off, told my children I love them. I was like Oh, what is going to be the fallout from this.

Then my other thoughts were, I wonder if my ex, who was in support of our child going to camp, will take our child to camp this Summer. Starts today and ends in July. One day can't go due to Speech therapy. My ex agreed to split the cost and has not made any payments. Wondering if she isnt due to taking over payments for speech, started paying in May. It's $300 a month. Been paying for about 20 plus months. Then evaluations been paying for a few of those about another $225 a month. I mean would get back $250-$500 from insurance.

Then that leads to my other thoughts. Since my ex has shut down communication. Do I communicate with my ex by dropping my oldest out of speech? The plan is to continue the speech with the school system.

Then I sent my ex the paperwork for the divorce agreement. Has till the 7th of July to sign. We have to put our work schedule in for August and September end of June. Do I put the schedule as is, schedule in agreement, or change it up? I was thinking a 5-2-5-2 schedule may be better. Have the schedule set up where my ex only has 4 consecutive days and I have 5. My ex doesn't feed the children that well. Basically pasta and frozen bagel bites. They don't go outside often. They come back over in old dirty clothes that don't fit, hair that smells, and pale skin. I don't know.

These are my morning thoughts today.