Has anyone dealt with any of these personal mental problems succesfully? Could use some advice.

Currently I am try to work through 2 areas. They are causing me the most mental upkeep dealing with them so if you know of some good solid steps to tackling them, I am all ears.

1) Everything I do seems to be geared towards the end goal of a family. I want kids and a house and a family. This is not possible without a woman. Therefore, everything I am doing (lifting, solid career, working on my mindset, working on everything) is in the hopes and with the goal in mind of attracting and keeping a quality female. This feel counter intuitive, as I should be doing them for me, but I am not. Is this a problem or is it an ok thing?

2) The idea of being alone when I am older and living my life that way literally causes physical fear. I feel like this inherently causes me to be "thirsty" internally no matter what. If chicks can pick up on that it is a detriment and negatively impacts my chances of acquiring the thing I fear. Real mindfuck.

3) Just general mindset changes. I find myself being extremely pessimistic and down on myself alot. I tend to downplay good events and up-play the bad ones. If something happens I will come up with a negative reason why even though benign/positive reasons could exist. Ways to deal with this?

Thanks bros.

[–] points points points 56 years ago | Copy Link

[–]questionsandanswers2[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago [recovered] (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]UndergroundRP0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]questionsandanswers2[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]UndergroundRP1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

Do you agree with my assessment?

I think, for a lot of guys, those feelings can start setting in around your age, even if you've had some previous success with women.

I had some amount of success myself, from 18-30. I wasn't slaying pussy left and right, but I had been in a reasonably successful LTR, and had definitely fucked some girls I felt were better than most guys would ever see naked in person.

So around 30, I break up with my LTR. It was somewhat callous at the time. She was attractive and loyal. Everyone else wanted to fuck her, but I was tired of fucking her.

I dated around for a few years after that, and no one else measures up. In addition, I constantly hear a lot of chatter about never finding anyone, growing old alone, etc, etc. That sort of chatter can seep into your mind. But in hindsight, it was always coming from girls. At 40+, I don't feel that way at all. There are fucking TONS of 30+ girls available.

At 27, you still have pretty easy access to anything 21+. Instead of concentrating on starting a family, start concentrating on being a guy who can regularly attract women. Next thing you know, chick will start trying to force "family" down your throat.

[–]questionsandanswers2[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

I very clearly lack abundance mentality. I have only had 2 relationships in my life and 1 was when I was 14 so I dont really count that. Never been a lady killer or even a lady meeter, always been the typical nice guy beta friend.

A whole slew of event have happened recently and its thrown my brain into a shit storm. Broke up with my first real relationship girl amicably. Moved and now all my closest work colleagues, some my age or slightly older, are married. Every one of them. So that gets shoved in my face alot.

Your last paragraph is exactly what I WANT to do. I want to lose weight and get fit and just be the best version of me... but that lasts until I get out and about in my day and then I'm like "oooo ice cream" 1 won't hurt. I don't know, I feel like I am not making any progress in my life and I think that is the big problem I need to try and solve. But whenever I think about diet and working out, I think "Yeah this will help me with the ladies hopefully". Feels like a vicious cycle.

[–]cynicalprick010 points1 point2 points 10 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link

Dude, dont work out to get girls to be attracted to you. work out to make yourself better, so you will live longer and lead a more satisfying life.

you are putting the pussy on a pedistal. you see this life with a wife and kids in a nice home as if once you have it you will be fine forever. This is the mindset that gets men divorce raped. have you thought of re-evaluating whether what you want is really what you want? have you thought about more than just the good things that come along with it? you are not being fair to yourself unless you look at it realistically and realize that the majority of marriages end in divorce nowadays, messing up child development and leading to alimony payments. do you really ultimately want that for yourself and your potential children?

you need some self esteem. to feel worthy of your efforts at self improvement. to do this, you need to get yourself started using strict discipline. eventually it will become habit. once you start seeing gains from your efforts, your motivation will increase along with your self esteem. just remember, just putting in consistent effort already puts you ahead of most men out there. so you dont need huge gains right away.

also, being alone isnt so bad. you may need a bit of time in monk mode to become fine with being alone. This way, if a girl gives you shit, you wont have any qualms about walking away and being alone that night, should you not have any plates on stand-by. this is the very basics of abundance mentality/dread game. you dont need to show that you have tons of other women available. you just need to show that she is not necessary for you to be happy and satisfied in life. she doesnt hold that power. you could just as easily live without her.

[–]questionsandanswers2[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Man this post really makes me think.

I want to know why I feel the way I do but right now. I feel like if I can't have that life, I don't know what the fuck my life is for. I feel like I have to have some kind of "output" you know?

Obviously, when I think about that life I don't usually entertain the ideas of horrible things that can happen because "That won't happen to me". lol I know this is crazy but it's what my brain does.

The hardest part for me with my fitness is that I have made HUGE progress from 2 years ago. I lost about 50 lbs. But I am still chubby and fat and soft and I have been stuck here at this weight for months now. I feel like I will never "make it" to where I want to be. /Fitness says you gotta drop to 10% body fat before you can start bulking, then you gotta do a slow clean bulk for years and fuck me I can't even turn down an ice cream.

I was sitting in thought for a long time tonight and was trying to come up with something that I actually WANT to do. It fucking sucks but I drew blanks. I don't know what I WANT to do with my time. I could travel but I feel like when I travel alone I get depressed. I imagine traveling with a companion and having an amazing time. I am constantly fighting with hypothetical situations like that, you know? I am 27 and it feels like I am only now trying to figure out who I am and I have no fucking clue. =/

[–]cynicalprick010 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

We all get to decide the meaning of our lives. what we live for. If I were you, I wouldnt look at lack of meaning as a bad thing. You are at a point in your life where you still have the freedom to decide anything. You get to try out all the things you were remotely curious about and see what sticks. you get to probe your inner self for what you find important. You have so many options, but you need to look at each one realistically. You cant expect to make this choice right away.

you owe it to yourself to be realistic with your options. try to be a person whose logic always trumps emotion. Stop seeing temporary emotions as always being valid causes for action.

stop getting fitness advice from /r/fitness alone. fuck that low body fat before bulking shit. Start working on shit you want to work on. if you want to get bigger and dont mind having a bit of flab, then do it. if you want to have a low body fat percentage, then do that. That is the great thing about being an unattached adult, you can do whatever the fuck you want. however, it is best when you want what is best for yourself and have evaluated what that is for yourself. For me, I do lots of cardio, push ups and chin ups because running makes me feel good and the rest improves my glamour muscles. others may tell me to do other shit, but fuck em. I'm a big boy and can make decisions for myself on my own.

maybe stop with the hypotheticals and start trying stuff out to see what sticks. you dont really know whether traveling alone would be bad before you do it. conversely, you dont know if traveling with someone else would be amazing.

this is a pivotal time in your life with a huge number of opportunities and possibilities. as they say, the world is your oyster.

[–]UndergroundRP0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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