My (33M) wife (31F) and i have been together for 13 years married for nearly 7. 2 kids 2&3yo after much difficulty, house, 2 solid careers. Not living high but not broke either.

About 6mo ago my wife made a new friend we'll call Nikki who has a daughter a year older than our oldest and all 3 play together great. My wife has always been rather introverted and didnt have any real friends so I thought it was great she finally had one to spend time with.

Nikki has a boyfriend who is from what im told not a great guy and has validated past domestic trauma from the father of her child as well as a severe drinking problem. My wife has trauma from her childhood they bonded over. And she tries to help her with her drinking problem.

I started to feel things were just off between my wife and i for some time. So one day I decided to look at my daughter's iPad which eas linked to my wife's phone. To say I was stunned would be an understatement. Reading back months, At first it started off innocent enough but it turned into a rant fest of half truths and at times even lies of things ive done or not done. Then the terms of endearment and caring that have been lacking in my relationship were found here. I mean it really hurt some of the things she was saying.

I didnt immediately confront my wife, I wrote a long letter expressing my concerns over our relationship and with Nikki. It was disregarded as just an attack on my wife she didnt read any of my pleas with an open mind or heart.

Fast forward to a week ago I looked at the ipad again and I finally discovered what I'd feared, she had been cheating on me with her. So I finally confronted her about it and she denied denied until I told her she should start believing i know more than she thinks I do. See she thought she was deleting these messages but only from her iPhone...whoops... she finally admitted to everything and as I broke down infront of her there was no remorse no shed tears no begging of forgiveness.

See in the messages, she said she no longer loved me, felt nothing for me. Eventually telling Nikki it was her she wanted at which point Nikki backpeddled hard and pretty much turned her down.

Then she writes this long letter saying how sorry she is blah blah blah you guys get the idea. After what's been said I don't think it can be unsaid. I didnt honestly think I'd ever be here doing this. But I also don't want to throw in the towel. She basically admitted to me shes not attracted to me currently and doesn't know if or when that will change. And she doesn't love me romantically...couples therapy is a no go due to her past trauma shes hard against therapy.

Im my head i know I should just leave... but my heart doesn't want to and all I can do is think of the kids.

Long rant if you made it to the end thanks for reading