Finding it hard to make sense of my life after being dumped by my polyam ex. And 2 yrs on, I'm still slowly learning from my psych that he was abusing me the whole time, I was love-bombed so hard, I couldn't see it😢💔 It's also hard get ppl to understand that polyam relationships are just as committed as monogamous ones.
We were together for 5yrs (physical location and ldr). The ending was very sudden. He started dating someone new, then gaslit me into submission when I said I wasn't happy he didn't discuss it with me beforehand and is already going out with her — even if he didn't think it was any of my business, he could have validated my feelings while maintaining his boundary. Instead, he doubled down and told me I knew he was on dating apps, so he did nothing wrong. Next thing you know, he tells me we were just friends the entire time and how he was never comfortable being in a polyam relationship (buddy, 5-yrs c'mon?!?! talk about the longest test drive of a car) then blocks me, refuses to confirm that he's deleted my private pictures, and files a police complaint against me. I then find out that he had controlled the narrative of our relationship, cuz his friends didn't think we were together.
I am haunted, everywhere I go. Casual mutual friends have all taken his side because he made himself look like the victim/like I harassed him. Which is ironic because I felt so violated and afraid, I closed down all my socials, changed my number/email/etc.. While he's still there, nothing to change or hide.
I'm a child-survivor of family dv, so it punches me even harder that I was so blindsided. And all the dv services I see are made for victim-survivors to leave their perps (which is good) but I feel so alone in this. My case is so opposite: being dumped then learning through my hospitalisations/clinical teams that what I experienced in the whole relationship was dv. It still makes me so angry that I kept normalising his reactions as someone who's just traumatized or avoidant, when he caused me so much harm. I can't even grieve the end of a relationship with the person that I loved, because who was he anyway?
