I have some pain in my glands on my neck, waited to go away but it didn't so i had few appointment with few doctors

I said to them that i still have depression, they asked few questions about that problem, but first asked me something that i never thought about before:

"maybe you have some unfulfilled expectations about yourself and world around you", man, YES I FUCKING DO, im more like living my best version of myself in head but not in real world

Today i got another doctor, really RP women, and she asked:

"do you have some motive in life, for what do you wake up for"?

It's obviously that im only waking up because i am alive that day, there is no REAL REASON for me to wake up and pursue something

Can i talk with someone here to help me find some clue?

Sorry for bad english