As I put here before, I found out my cheating wife was having another affair (three years after I found out about what happened in our past and tried to forgive her).

Since then, we have talked a few times and agreed to make this as easy as possible. She wants out to go “live her life,” and for me, I need to move forward with mine. I went to a lawyer in NC and had them complete a separation agreement that was more than fair (she actually walked away with a little more on the front end). People around me were shocked I was so generous with what she got versus me, but after knowing someone for 20 years, you understand how their mind works.

Me telling her how much I still cared and wanted to see her okay had her agreeing to everything. We even have about 500 texts going back and forth covering every little detail, and we were being civil the entire time (even my lawyer was shocked at how well we were getting along).

She picked up her copy, took it to a lawyer on her side, and it was reviewed, signed, and notarized. She agreed to give up present and future alimony claims (she gets none in NC due to the infidelity statute, but this prevents her from trying), which is what I cared about. There is a bunch of other stuff in there covering cars, bank accounts, dogs, and possessions.

Our son is about to turn 19, so outside of our estate (and there is not much), it was pretty straightforward. She moved out this past weekend, and I am heading back to get the house ready to sell. Of course, she left the house a giant mess.

So, outside of having this official separation agreement, a few things have happened since then: I got a call from a recruiter I know this weekend. I am interviewing for my dream job next week. This could be life changing if it happens.

I found the perfect place to move into. Bachelor life dream. It is a beautiful apartment with a lifestyle village built right below it. Bars, restaurants, shopping. As someone who works remotely, I would not even have to leave. There is an amazing grocery store and even a comedy club there, not to mention summer events like concerts and even “single events” in due time.

And this is the big one. Our son. He picked me. He is moving in with me after this semester and has already put in his transfer to a nearby and better university. My SIL, his aunt, works there in admissions and helped get it done quickly. He absolutely loathes his mother and wants nothing to do with her. I try to stay neutral, but he wants to come home with me and leave her behind. And that is the thing. She has nobody. No family (mine was all she had) and no real friends. Yes, she thinks her work friends are there for her, but we both know how that usually plays out. A newly single 40 year old can wear on married friends over time. And now her son is moving 900 miles away.

We even booked a vacation for this winter last night. My son and my entire family. And for the first time, things feel like they are moving in the right direction. I am flying down Wednesday to get things in order, and I am not sure when I will be back here with my family, as my son is my biggest concern.

We are going out to dinner Wednesday night with some friends to celebrate this new chapter. He is also planning to tell his mom that night about his decision to move. The sad part is, deep down, I do not think she will care. She never really liked being a mom or a wife and that is what this has always been about. She will feel sad at first, then angry at me, then nothing. And she will move on.

And here is the biggest update for me personally. The first four to five days, I thought I still loved her. Turns out, I do not. I think about her here and there, but honestly, it feels like she died. I still get emotional thinking about the life I built being destroyed, but the truth is, I am starting to realize I am free. What i thought was love, was really just pity for her mixed in with me thinking I couldnt do better.

Talking with a counselor, it really became obvious that this was never a marriage. I was raising a 2nd kid. There were things I disposed about her, from her inability to do any chore... to her being angry all the time... to hygeine, her dress and most importantly, her inability to even talk.

My son disclosed that he never had 1 real convo with her his entire life. I told him outside counseling sessions, it was the same for me.

And it is not about being free to do whatever I want. It is about finally being free to be myself.

I was never fully able to invest in my career because of the anxiety and stress she caused. All of that is gone now. I feel more confident. I went out this weekend, and having a woman hit on me and give me her number, I am not ready yet, still felt great.

My skin looks better. My face looks better. I am not drinking as much. The brain fog is gone. It honestly feels like some kind of weight has been lifted off me.

Anyway, that is my update today. I am sure my emotions will shift throughout the day, but I just need to ride them and embrace them.