Some personal stuff made me lose most of my self esteem for a long time, now i think im finally going back to what used to be me, dont get me wrong, i was never the alpha, but i dont feel like it is necessary to be the alpha guy.

For the last 4 years i looked at my self and hated almost everything about me, i drinked to forget, smoked ash and weed to pass the day, i had no drive to do stuff for myself and thought everyone looked at me with pitty or disaproval, i was in love with one girl, but i would never want to go for it because i never felt like i had something to offer to her, i played beta with her for almost 2 years, while i was fucking other girls just to "survive". The other girls were erasmus students so they did never knew me, or an ocasional old colorfull friend that was still in love with me (from my better days). I was a complete asshole with them.

After lurking around here, and reading most of what you recommend i think i got myself the strenght to go back. I do not agree with what many of you write about girls, i see it has an exaggeration of reality, but that happens about everything nowadays, everyone overreacts about everything... The reality is that you guys helped me understand that i had to get my purpose in life, i had to do stuff for my self, i had to fight my batles and inner demons by myself, there is no way to run from that and thoose who try will fail and have a miserable life. We are man, we are seen as a strong gender, if we aint strong, it is our own fault.

Now im getting back on track, cutting the alcohool and the drugs, exercising, making plans for the future and finally trying to make it work with that one girl. Thanks for the support guys, now i wont forget, men make their own luck.