I guess this is mostly just me talking: kind of numb and my heart is heavy right now.

I think there is this point when contemplating divorce, or attempting wrap your head around the absolute emotional crap shoot you are going through that this threashold is crossed and on the other side is the resolute individual. For six months now I have been aware of the emotional abuse (see post history for context) but have been trying to work through it, repair the marriage, and save the life we have built together.

About a month ago I realized we haven't a life together. Insulting me in front of the kids, accusing me of an affiair in front of the kid, starting arguments in front of the kids. Being half way thorugh a bottle of vodka by 5pm on a Tuesday while the kids are home, leaving food out for day, on the floor, in the sink, on the dinning room table. I gave her room to breath, to manage the house and I now realize that she literally does nothing durring the day. My home is not a safe place for my children and there is no reasoning with her to get it better. I have come to the realization that I am part and party to the state of my home and from the outside looking in, I am associated and clumped together with her.

Part of the abuse cycle is isolation. This is inteded to prevent the abused individual from seeing what normal looks like. The isolation is enforced through approved friends, and limits on what can be talked about in conversation. I need to remove myself and my kids from this situation becuase it is not healhty for them, and what they are going through is not okay. I see that now, I just wish it didn't take me so long.

Before that though, I am going to start removing my important documentation from the home and storing it at work. I am going to buy my children clothing, bedding, set up a place to live so we have a place to land. I have already contacted a Family Law Attourney and had a consultation with him in order to figure out what it is I am legally able to do in this situation.

advice that was given to me by my lawyer.

Know my childrens Doctors names by heart

know thier dentists names by heart

know when the were last sick, with what, and how long they were sick for.

Get more involved in their daily routines then you already are.

I am considering having a welfare check done while I am at work oneday.

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Also, i am acutely aware that I might be wrong and am constanly second guessing myself