Okay, a loser here. Whenever I hear someone getting successful with women/life/travels/career/stuff I want to be successful in, I get this sinking feeling inside me. I control these sick thoughts that I do think are transferred and I really want to kill my ego for this. I tried game for a long time and failed miserably, and whenever I see a person talking about his lays I cant help but feel miserable. I hang out with fucking losers for the same reason.

I cant for my life think straight right now. I really want help in this domain, it makes me feel like someone Im not. I want to appreciate success again and not immerse myself in all the Self Help stuff I read daily and then get back into the reality filled with cognitive dissonance.

Plus the regret makes me feel sick. What the fuck am I doing wrong that success is not coming my way? There is absolutely no one around to guide me in my family in the field I want to go in, Im in my fourth year of college and its about to end soon. And every single aspect of my life feels like its in ruins. I am either too assertive with people to make them feel Im the biggest asshole alive or am the nicest guy ever: my social life in a nutshell. There is just so much rage inside me that I sometimes fantasize about killing people, or simply beating them up (its a stupid fantasy. Im sane btw, think of this as the last resort of people taking me seriously.)