My boyfriend and I had a discussion recently, and I was wondering: What are the statistics on men cheating and women cheating? What are the statistics on who initiates most divorces?

I was led to believe, for most of my life, and with good proof, that men were more likely to cheat. But as I've lived more and met more people, I have found that men and women are equally likely to be unfaithful, and for a multitude of reasons. (This post is NOT about blame, it is merely about debunking or figuring out why such things come to be common thought) And given that, I don't even know if that is just "common knowledge" amongst the hen-circle (as it were) or the general population.

I am genuinely curious, because I feel like my view on this subject, like many of my friends', has been tainted by the relationships I've (and we've) been in where there was an unfaithful party that was not me.

Boyfriend submitted that as of recently (within the past 20 years or so), most divorces are initiated by women. And if this true, I find this disturbing. Not only because I am still one of the few who would like to take marriage for the serious life commitment that it is, but because most of the women in my life have been, at least once, cheated on by their boyfriends and I just don't understand how this is true. Times change of course, and feminism has certainly played a part (whether good or bad) in human relationship dynamics.

And with this, I don't want to dismiss his claim because I've also known plenty of men who have gone through absolutely terrible divorces (one of whom I dated and the other I am currently dating) and while they have their own flaws, they (even my ex) are fundamentally good people who don't want to hurt anyone. I trust both of them and consider them good friends, and it makes me angry that they were hurt.

I am trying to challenge the stereotype of the men's "man-eater" and the woman's "heartless player" so that I find some kind of hard evidence to go from.

I think divorce is a huge problem in this country and one that has found its way toward being unfair to men in the United States court. (And other countries, for all I know....except for Saudi... they just kinda give the shit end of the stick in many ways to women and I don't know what's going on with that) I have also found that men, currently and as time goes on, are less inclined to get married. I think that may be because they are afraid to (and with good reason). But are there any efforts to fix this problem other than /r/mensrights? Because the only partial guarantee I see for men being treated fairly at the moment is pre-nuptial agreements, and that is something that should not have to happen. Personally, I think people need to hold themselves responsible for that and make their best judgement, but we are human and we fuck up. But that doesn't explain the vast degree of "fuck ups" that seem to have occurred within the justice system (not only about custody and financial rights, but social consequences).

So, as I am a woman, I make this post asking people to share their stories, if they can, and provide material that helps me understand why family court and the general understanding of the sexes in regards to marriage is so fucked up right now. I am also posting this because if I were to ever to get married and eventually go through a divorce, what could I actively do to make the process go more fairly? (Other than not be an asshole)