Am i countering Oneitis?

TomilloDanup · 2016-03-08T00:33:09+00:00

Right now as you are reading this. Your brain is making sense of words written on the screen. But those words are made of letters, and letters are nothing but little drawings. When you see them, your mind gives them meaning and purpose. That's how a "T" stops being just almost two crossed sticks and transforms into a capital letter.

The exact same process happens with everything that surrounds you. In this case, girls. The object "T" on itself is devoid of any meaning. that meaning is provided by your mind based on the knowledge and value you give to the symbol.

Your oneitis is based on a mental construction of the girl in turn. Not the girl per se. Instead of adressing changing the meaning of the simbol "girl" you just try to shut away from them.

Is it bad? I don't know. Are you in pain? Does it hurt to shut them away? If not Keep doing it. But if there's a tiny but of unhappiness try to change the meaning of the girl, that mental construction. Stop hurting yourself building walls.

Is it a healthy way to avoid oneitis? In my opinion, no. Your method isn't healthy. Beacuse the next time you find a girl you really really really like. You will be falling for the fictional girl that lives in your mind and you won't have the tools to handle that.

Remember that scene in matrix where the little boy is bending spoons. There is no spoon. You are the spoon.

So don't build walls around the spoon, because the spoon is only a spoon when you give meaning and make use of it.

solidhg1 · 2016-03-08T21:04:18+00:00

Sounds like you are justifying bluepill habits to me.

I have only one problem and that is a thing i've heard from a lot of girls - they say that i have built walls around me and i'm not letting anyone in to know me. Is that bad and what should i do about it?

No. Girls love mystery. Once they have you all figure out, you are more boring.

will i be able to let someone to know me better when the time is right?

Ok this is just sounding like you are faking it as "alpha" or a better version of yourself, then falling for girls, your real beta self comes out, and then you justify that with claiming you are sabotaging things.

The reason I quoted the above question is because I think it gets at what you are really getting at, which is "when can I comfortably be my real beta (Caring, loving, open, wtvr you wanna call it) self?"

You can't. Girls will lose attraction to you. They will also feel deceived. This is likely where the "built walls" around you comments are coming from. After a certain amount of time, they know you are just putting up a front.

You can continue to fake it until you make it, but eventually you have to make it and actually swallow the pill. You have to actually be the man who the women you want need you to be. The phrase is not "fake it until you can go back to your old ways".

In my own experiences, I've often had rushed of the love chemical for girls after being intimate with them for an extended period. When I start to give too much affection that they aren't matching, I can literally sense their lack of attraction to that. Yes, guys want that. Guys want to love and to let their guard down. That's not the reality though. You must remain your best self at all times and you must not show signs of being too dependent on her.

Title	Am i countering Oneitis?
Author	solidhg1
Upvotes	10
Comments	4
Date	March 7, 2016 11:18 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/49fevu/am_i_countering_oneitis/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/am-i-countering-oneitis.161729 https://theredarchive.com/post/161729

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