I'm too timid/shy

SureImShore · 2016-03-09T19:06:42+00:00

Confidence comes from competence. Learn things and apply them. Read interesting things and broaden your knowledge base so you know your shit across a wide spectrum.

Have a few drinks before and while socializing, but don't let it become a crutch/habit. And as always, give less fucks. Nobody really gives too much of a shit what you do or say; they're too self-involved.

Confidence is outcome independence regarding the way others react to you. Confidence is NOT possessing the certitude that everyone will like you or agree with you or think you're cool. Confidence is more the ability to deal with the social repercussions of making a dumb joke, rather than never making dumb jokes. In your case, it could just be learning to be cool with the fact that your voice doesn't project that much and you aren't the most outgoing guy right away.

BetaMaleFeminist · 2016-03-09T17:45:13+00:00

Just talk to people, yo. Cashiers, bartenders. Approach approach approach. You learn socializing by doing it.

empatheticapathetic · 2016-03-09T20:40:44+00:00

I have this problem. At the moment I am fairly confident which feels like the first time in ages. My biggest change is just being more mindful. Not living in my head so much and analysing every situation. It's not easy to just switch on/off. Also remember that a bad social encounter will cause your mind to spiral and have more bad encounters. But it works the same way with good encounters. Have a good encounter with someone and you'll have more and more. Other things that have helped is having strong body language, paying attention to other people's body language, slower actions and responses; strong frame. For me the biggest confidence builder is eye contact. With guys I don't care as much and it's weird to stare into a guys eyes for a long time, so just be chill with them and only do it when it feels natural. With women I just don't think about and look them in the eyes when interacting and they sometimes feel intimidated and act more submissive. It's a great feeling when it goes well.

oldredder · 2016-03-10T04:12:21+00:00

is it really confidence? Or is there just a desire to know someone better before being more socially open? Or maybe it's something else. Do you legitimately feel inferior to those you're talking to? If that's the case you need to do things and learn things until you're not and you know it.

Modified_Hackware · 2016-03-10T04:13:10+00:00

You're shy because you worry about what the outcomes will be if you fuck up a social situation. This is pretty normal but can be overblown in some people like you.

Day 1. Ask 25 people what the time is.

Day 2. Ask 25 people for directions to X.

Day 3. Ask 25 people for directions to X - then ask if they're sure.

Day 4. Tell 25 people you like their shoes.

Day 5. Ask 25 people what they think of your shoes.

Day 6. Tell 25 people you don't like their shoes.

Day 7. Approach 25 women and say hi I'm Carton of Water.

As in, literally go and do this, find somewhere with high footfall and you'll be done with each exercise in 20-30 minutes.

As you read this and you half smile and think "That's kinda cool but I ain't going to do that" consider that if you don't do something actual, real, tangible like I said you will never fix your issues and if you want to fix your issues you will have to throw yourself outside your comfort zone. So you make a choice, you either stay shy forever or you don't; if you do not want to stay shy forever, why wait? Start tomorrow or today. Just do it.

Title	I'm too timid/shy
Author	cartonofwater
Upvotes	7
Comments	5
Date	March 9, 2016 5:22 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/49p2uu/im_too_timidshy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/im-too-timidshy.161804 https://theredarchive.com/post/161804

Comments