I am a 19 years old. I have a lot of good things going for me. I'm smart, have loving mother who regardless of the general consensus of most women is pretty RP, and had actual great advice with women/life. Cooks, cleans, and is a hell of an entrepreneur.

I have 3 citizenships, speak 3 languages, and body wise I WOULD be perfect if I would just diet(I'm jacked muscle wise, just not ripped).

I go through cycles in my life. When everything is falling into place, I'm feeling good, and what not I get shit done. I pick up new things, I diet and workout religiously, I take care of myself hygiene wise, dress excellent and have self esteem through the roof.

After a week or two, negative me creeps in. He tells my subconscious, "you haven't been laid in almost 2 years, your scum and what makes you think any change you do will make your situation better". At first I shrug it off then it gradually gets to me. I start eating more sweets which turn into binge eating. Then binge eating makes me lazy and I stop shaving body, taking care of my hygiene, working out, dieting and even showering.. Like a mild depression.(short-term?)

I then stop reading books/learning hobbies and start just reading manga and browsing pointless sites. This makes me melancholic and just sad? It takes me a bit to wake up but then though I tell myself "never again", it ALWAYS happens again.

It's slowly killing me. I get fatter even though I'm on steroids(on trt because I had low testosterone) but I'm blasting on tren. I lose my self esteem and worst off all is that I know what I could be if I was more disciplined. If I could just follow things through I could be ripped as hell, I could be learning shit ton of new things, I could browse through books like its nothing, but i let this negativity stop me.

I feel like if I had a fwb of some sort, I would feel better. This no sex thing for almost 2 years is killing me. Especially when I see guys much uglier physically and way more stupid than me get laid(no supreme gentleman by the way, for those aware). I totally get its my fault since its personality. I'm a pretty shy and introvert guy on the inside even though I try not to act it in public. And just talking to a girl makes me nervous, makes me feel like my past sexual encounters didn't teach me a thing.

So.. How do you just say FUCK it and push through negative thoughts. Like instead of, this cake will taste great, think "those abs will feel fucking awesome".

Also when and how do I just fucking hit on girls on a different country living with your dad? I'm going to the university but I only go 3 times a week for a very short time, and it doesn't let me socialize enough. I hate being stuck home but idk what else to do.