It's been a year and a half since I stumbled upon this subreddit, and fiercely read the sidebar. Everything made sense, all my previous interactions with women, why my LTRs failed, why I wasn't the man I should've been. I was eager to prove to myself all the theories shown in here, and so I did, in my first plate-spinning phase. This phase made me learn a lot, but in the end I found it exhausting and pointless. In my hurry to be the most alpha man ever, I plated subpar women which did not add value to my life, and in fact took it away from me.

In the meantime I "plated" my ex-GF, the one who brought me to TRP. "Plated", because there is away some emotional thing going on with ex-GF. She ultimately chose to get away from me, saying that she was still in love with me and, knewing I wouldn't LTR her, she prefered to try to forget me and maybe find someone else. Wise choice, since she's already 27 (so am I) and approaching the wall.

I'm now with another girl, we're "exclusive". We never talked about it, I simply don't have the time or patience to pursuit another girls, she already provides me the pussy I need. And she seems very committed to me, I don't think she hooks up with anyone else (but I know it could be the case and try to accept it, since I'm not LTRing her).

But there's a problem. After these 18 months, after all the TRP knowledge reading posts, the books, the experience I had applying TRP to the girls around me, my rational mind is very well informed about the TRP truths, but I can't fully accept it. I don't know if I'm stuck in anger phase, if I never fully swallowed the pill, but I just can't fully accept the way women are.

Some very stupid things get to me. For example, when this current girl I'm with says another guy is hot, I get jealous. I always swallow this feeling and maintain frame, but I feel attacked. Or when I find out about some other guy she hooked up in the past, same thing. Or when we are in some social setting and I subtly sense that she's attracted to another guy there, not only me. I consciously know she can branch swing anytime, but I can't internalize it.

I honestly don't think I have oneitis for her. I know what oneitis feels like, I had it many times before TRP. I could even be with hotter woman, I'm with her because she genuinely likes me, she waited one year to be with me. It's just... easier this way. No hard work for a decent pussy from a intelligent woman that treats me well? Yeah, I'll take it. I'll string her along until the LTR request comes.

The thing is. I have all the knowledge about TRP, but I just can't seem to trully internalize it.

Anyone can relate? Does anyone else feel this way, or been through and overcame this?