How hard is your first cold approach?

I’ve written a lot of articles, and most of them are kind of meta articles or broader topics for guys who already have some experience.

This one will be different.

It’s focused on the guys who most likely have never even tried to cold approach a gorgeous girl on the street.

Maybe while reading this, you’re thinking about doing it for the first time. Or maybe you saw some “fancy” TikTok video of someone approaching a girl in public and thought:

I should try it too. It cannot be that hard.

It’s easy in theory, hard in practice

How hard can it be to say hi to a random person, right?

Believe me, the first time can be pretty damn hard.

Let’s say you don’t have a coach or anyone there to push you. It’s just you. You and no one else.

I remember one of my first approaches after I discovered online content. Watching other guys do it, it looked almost effortless. Let’s not talk about the quality of those approaches, but just the action itself.

Walking up to a girl and saying something.

How hard can that be?

I still remember my first cold approach ever. You cannot forget something like that.

It was a life-changing moment for me because, in the end, I ended up here, telling you about my journey and traveling across the world to give personal guidance to people who want to speed up this process.

So calling it life-changing isn’t an overstatement. It’s just how it happened.

I had planned to approach multiple times before that, but I had some issues finding my balls. They were approximately the size of dried grapes, while my heart was drumming some crazy solo in my chest.

But one day, I found whatever was necessary and went for it.

She was a blonde girl I saw on a tram on my way home. We made eye contact, I smiled, and… nothing.

Then my stop came, so I had to get off the tram.

She got off too.

I reached the point of no return and thought:

Okay. I’m doing it. Even if I fail, I’m doing it.

So there I was, slowly walking behind her.

Finally, I managed to put some energy into my legs, speed up, and catch her.

I have absolutely no clue what I said.

But she smiled. That’s the detail I remember.

The beginning, with me following her for a bit, was probably a little creepy. But I was so stressed that I was just happy I had finally done it. It had taken me weeks to make my first approach.

We chatted for a bit and exchanged contact details.

Then I walked away as casually as I possibly could while internally feeling stressed, happy, relieved, and almost like I was about to have a stroke.

She never replied, though.

But that was one of the most crucial steps in my life. It would steer my direction for much longer than I could have realized back then.

The First One Is Disproportionately Hard

Your first approach will most likely feel almost impossible.

If you’re naturally pretty extroverted, maybe it will be easier for you. But for most guys, the first one is on a completely different level of difficulty.

But trust me, it gets much better.

Don’t expect anything from your first approach because it will most likely be terrible. Your confidence might disappear with the first word coming out of your mouth, your body might get into some weird cramped state, and your voice will suddenly stop listening to you.

But that’s okay. You don’t need to shine.

The win is the fact that you did it.

Because trust me, the second one will already feel much easier. Now you know that nothing terrible happens when you approach someone. You might mess it up completely, and that’s okay too.

Every skill needs practice, and this one is no exception.

At this stage, your goal isn’t attraction, push-pull, getting a number, or getting laid.

It’s just one “simple” thing.

Walking over there and opening your mouth.

And trust me, my friend, you will feel the weight of those few steps.

But afterwards, you might feel like the king of the world, even if she says no or completely ignores you. Because it wasn’t about the outcome. It was about overcoming that fear of rejection and putting your skin in the game.

After you do the first one, congratulate yourself.

You just did something most guys will never do in their lives.

And then your journey begins.

It will be a good one. Bumpy, but exciting.

What Your First Approach Will Feel Like

If I had to describe what your first approach will feel like, I would say intense.

Before you approach, you might feel an almost unnatural force trying to steer you in the opposite direction. Your mind will start creating an infinite number of reasons why you shouldn’t do it.

She looks busy.

She probably has a boyfriend.

Maybe I should wait for the next one.

Your heart rate will skyrocket. You will feel the pressure, and adrenaline will start pumping through your body.

Time will slow down.

And then you will say the first word.

Your voice might tremble, and your nervous system will suddenly feel completely overwhelmed.

Any plan you decided to follow might disappear. Your legs will almost have intentions of their own, telling you to walk away.

There is a good chance your voice will crack and enter some weird high-pitched realm. You will just be standing there, waiting for her to reply to whatever the hell you just said.

And then she will most likely say something. Maybe she will ignore you completely, but there is a good chance she will respond.

The cute thing about first approaches is that girls can often see that you’re nervous. Sometimes they will actually give you a hand and help you stay in the interaction longer than you probably deserve.

Then you might start mumbling something at machine-gun speed while still feeling an overwhelming need to eject yourself from the interaction.

Eventually, it ends.

You walk away, feel a huge wave of relief, and only then start processing what the hell just happened.

Because even if you had a good plan for what you wanted to do, your conscious decisions were nowhere to be found.

You just did… something.

But it was your first step.

It probably sucked, but you should give yourself credit. The next one will feel much easier.

And if you chicken out a few times before you finally do it, that’s okay.

We all did in the beginning.

You Need to Approach It Realistically, Otherwise You’ll Be Sad

If you think you’re going to be good from the get-go, forget about it.

You will suck. Big time.

But that’s okay.

Let’s say you want to learn how to juggle. The first time you throw three balls into the air, they will just fall to the ground. No magical formula will make them stay in the air until you learn the basics and get enough repetitions.

Approaching is the same.

You need reps. You need to calm down and somehow normalize what you’re doing. And that takes time.

There are dating coaches who say they will turn you into a successful Casanova in a few weeks. In most cases, that’s simply not going to happen.

Not because it’s impossible to make huge progress in a short period of time, but because this type of activity needs time. You need to process all the emotions and feelings that are happening at such a high intensity while getting enough repetition for the whole thing to slowly become normal.

And if you haven’t been very social for the past decade, you have an even bigger baseline to change.

Sometimes you can go out with some funny missions and just work on your fear of interacting with strangers.

Then, slowly, you will notice that having conversations with random people is getting much easier.

And eventually, talking to the girls you’re attracted to gets easier too.

But the main goal isn’t just to pick up a girl, even if that’s the measurable outcome you probably want to move towards.

I’ve seen so many guys change after doing cold approach during the daytime. Their social battery gets bigger. The way they see themselves changes. The way they approach social interactions changes too.

You become more comfortable socially, which makes you want to be more social.

And then the whole cycle starts feeding itself.

This Is Where Your Journey Begins

The first girl I approached never replied. She never even saw my message.

At the time, of course, I cared.

I had somehow survived the stress, walked up to her, opened my mouth, managed to have something resembling a conversation, and even got her contact.

And then… nothing.

But looking back, her reply was probably the least important part of that whole experience.

Because that approach showed me something much more valuable.

I can actually do this.

And if I can do it once, I can do it again. If I can do it again, I can get better at it.

That was enough.

Your first approach will probably be similar. You might not get the date you wanted. You probably won’t be as smooth as you imagined. Maybe you’ll get rejected. Maybe she’ll ignore you. Maybe you’ll walk away wondering what the hell just came out of your mouth.

But you crossed something.

You proved to yourself that the invisible wall in front of you can actually be crossed.

And that matters much more than whether one random girl gives you her number.

Because this is where the actual journey starts.

You do it again.

Then again.

Slowly, something that once felt almost impossible starts feeling merely uncomfortable. Then manageable. Eventually, sometimes completely normal.

And somewhere during that process, it stops being only about approaching girls.

You start becoming more comfortable talking to strangers. You stop overthinking every little social interaction. You become more willing to put yourself into situations where you don’t know exactly what is going to happen.

You start feeling more socially free.

I definitely had no idea where this would take me when I was nervously walking behind that blonde girl.

I didn’t know it would eventually make me enjoy social interactions as much as I do today. I didn’t know I would become one of the most social people around me. And I definitely didn’t know that years later I would be traveling to help other guys go through the same process faster than I did.

I was just trying to make my fucking legs move faster.

Your first approach probably won’t change your life overnight.

But it can give you a tiny glimpse of what is possible when you stop listening to the voice telling you not to do something simply because you’re afraid.

I don’t remember what I said to that blonde girl.

I barely remember the conversation.

But I remember walking behind her, trying to force my legs to move faster.

I remember the moment I finally committed and caught up with her.

At the time, those few steps felt enormous.

Looking back, they actually were.

I had no idea where they would eventually take me.

And that’s the funny thing about your first approach.

The conversation itself might be completely forgettable.

But the fact that you did it might stay with you for a very long time.