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new girl, looking for some advice on trying to change friendship to relationship

Jbubble029
October 23, 2014
0 upvotes
/r/RedPillWomen
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Post Information
Title new girl, looking for some advice on trying to change friendship to relationship
Author

Jbubble029
Upvotes 0
Comments 7
Date October 23, 2014 11:20 PM UTC
(11 years ago)
Subreddit Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/2k5818/new_girl_looking_for_some_advice_on_trying_to/
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/new-girl-looking-for-some-advice-on-trying-to.165843
https://theredarchive.com/post/165843

Comments

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

You will have to make a few clarifications, because your explanation is a bit hazy and I don't want to make assumptions because of that.

  1. You have known him for 12 years: during that time, have you only ever been someone he hooks-up with casually? Or have you actually dated each other in an exclusive relationship?

  2. You say the sex is always great - but he's only been single a month. Were you having intimate relations with this man while he was seeing another woman? If not, then when is the last time you had sex with him?

  3. He's told you that he thinks you would be great together, which is fine - but has he ever asked you out on a proper date, courted you, asked you to be his SO? Or does he just say nice things before/during/after sex with you?

  4. How long did he date his (now ex) girlfriend? How many long-term relationships has he had with other women over the last 12 years?

The answers you provide to these questions may alter my initial reaction somewhat, but at the end of the day: he's known you for 12 years and it sounds like you've only ever been a warm body to hook-up with. He gets everything he could ever possibly want from you (support, affection, sex etc) without having to give anything in return (commitment for example). If he hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend by now - I don't think he ever intends to.

[–]Jbubble029[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Yea we've known each other for 12 years, for the past 8 years we've hooked up, but only if we were both single, as for a real date, no but I've never pushed for one either. With the exception of me, he's been in 3 serious relationships, all of them lasting at least a year and a half, the longest lasting four years, he's been engaged once with the longest lasting relationship. We've been best friends for 12 years, we've always been there for each other, always, but until recently we've never viewed our relationship romantically, but that has changed drastically for me and somewhat for him. In this last relationship he found himself comparing certain things about his ex ( her reactions to things, her involvement in his family, and her lack of cleanliness) with things about me and how he preferred me over his ex. I've shared my feelings with him and his with me, I just don't want to push him away from the possibility of a relationship with me by being to pushy, Ive told him that I want a relationship and he's asked for time to make sure that it's want he wants too.

[–]TheTerrorSquadEndorsed Contributor3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

You're gonna have to be exceptional relationship material to get this guy to commit. What would you say is his incentive to commit to you at this point in time?

[–]Jbubble029[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I think things have changed for him, with all of his pervious girlfriends he had no desire to have children with them even the one he got engaged to, but he wants a family. He's also transitioning from a full time job to a career, he wants to start settling down. He wants to marry and start having kids within the next five years. I've always been a more conservative and traditional person. He has recently found himself wanting a more conservative and traditional life. He said that I taken a long time to figure out that, that's what he wants. He's also wants someone who likes and would be more involved in his family and someone his family likes as well.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm confused about the time line here, were you having sex before a month ago?

[–]topsul0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

If you were FWB while he was with someone else... That's wrong on your part. If he cheated with you he will cheat on you.

What reward is there for him to invest in you at this point of you've already been sleeping with him? What can you bring to the table?

[–]Jbubble029[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

No, never while he was in a relationship with someone else. But over the past 8 years if we were both single, yes we would hook up, we were both very clear about the fact that it was not a relationship to each other, but that has changed for me now, and when he first broke up with his most recent ex he thought that it may have changed for him as well. At the moment he has told me that he doesn't want to ruin the friendship we have by turning it into a relationship just after leaving a relationship. Especially considering how involved his feeling were with this girl. He knows that he doesn't want to be with her any longer but he doesn't know if his desire to have a relationship with me stems from have a recent heartbreak or the reawakening of feelings for me. I want him to be sure before he makes that decision. While he may be getting my attention and sex I'm also benefiting as well, he has always been my best sex partner, and I love having sex, and I have told him my feelings and he has shared his, I just don't know if there's something else I should be doing. He knows that at some point, soon, he will have to make the decision of whether he wants to start a relationship with me or not, I've told him that this FWBs can go on to long with out my feeling becoming to involved.

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