I started on my journey to TRP about 6 years ago. Long before I had ever heard of reddit or TRP. I had wanted to improve myself and was reading a lot of PUA and self improvement. Stuff like Vin DiCarlo, Tim Ferris, and David DeAngelo. It was wicked stuff that totally opened my eyes to what was really happening in my life. Shortly after that, I had the desire to improve myself physically, so I started training Karate. A couple of years later I found BJJ. People treat me different now. Women treat me different now. I met a girl, who became infatuated with me. While I one time did bring her to my club to watch me choke people, I never pressured her, or even suggest that she try it. She started training BJJ at another school on her own, because she knew she would have never have had a chance with me if she hadn't. So time passes she moves in and we have been having a great relationship for the past year. I know, kinda beta, but I'm ageing and I really want kids, especially boys who I can train to become Fighter/Warriors. This is the girl I love and I know that she is completely dedicated to me as a Stage 5 TRP man, but... that's not how I became "Dead inside.".

I was raised by my Mother. I love that Woman. She is an amazingly strong, and loving person, who is completely dedicated to her children. I never really knew my Father. He was a Driver, and he worked 14 hour days to support his wife and four children. He would get home around 5pm, eat and goto bed, to be up at 3:30am for his next shift. We had great times on weekends. Summers with the boat on the lake (weekends only he had to work, Mom and kids got to stay at the each all summer). Like him taking me to Hockey practise at 6:00am after being up fighting with my Mom over money all night. But we never really were that close. Certainly not as close as he would have liked. I resented him for trying to involve me with his work around the house, fixing the snowmobiles and boats, getting firewood and other manly type things. I would have much rather been inside where it was comfortable, with my Mom. The good life went on until I was 11 years old. My parents got divorced and blew all their money on Lawyers. My Dad eventually lost the custody battle and we were living with our Mom. Living off of child support payments and whatever job my Mom could find (she managed to raise 4 kids and get a modest education to become a Special Needs/Teachers Assistant0 we were poor for the first time in my life. My parents had always been moderate drinkers and partiers, my Mom smoked cigarettes. (One of the contentions with their marriage had been that my mother was at home raising the kids, drinking, and smoking while my Dad worked) After the Divorce she started back on the cock carousel, and was heavily partying. My Dad pretty much instantly remarried. A mind controlling WarPig Behemoth of a stepmother took over my father like a mind controlling parasite. A few years later I was eventually forced to confront my now raging alcoholic Mother. I gave her the option of quitting drinking or I was going to leave to live with my Father and his new wife that I absolutely hated. My Brother and Sisters thought I was abandoning them when I left, but in truth I was doing it to try to save our Mother. It didn't really work, she drank for many more years before she and her new husband finally gave it up. In the process of moving back with my Father I lost my girlfriend, all my friends, I was mentally crushed, had zero self esteem, no one to talk to, and lived in a hostile environment. Even though I lived with him I still had very little contact with my Father. When he wasn't working he was with his new wife and her children, while I was just one of "The kids,". I became very shy, reclusive even. I had always been anti-drug, but now I was smoking pot, trying anything to find new friends. Of course, I was expected to be tough, to be a Man, I never talked to anyone about any of my feelings. ever. I was a depressed POS for years until I moved away from town after highschool for a fresh start. When I returned after my brief adventure I was a new man. I had for the first time ever experienced a tiny glimpse of what it was like to be an Alpha male. It was a new awakening for me and I easily made friends now especially this one girl who I had always had a crush on. The first time she invited me over we got drunk and had sex. It was awesome. While I had had sex before, this was the first time I got it easily. She got her hooks into me, and a few years later we are living together. She controls all aspects of our relationship and denies me sex constantly. With no knowledge about relationships or women I just suck it up and keep going without showing my feelings or telling anyone. Two years later and I am a disgusting pig. I lost all interest in everything except video games cigarettes and booze. There was no point in trying to get laid so I stopped bothering her, if she wanted sex we would have it on special occasions. I had long gross hair old dopey clothes and basically no cares about my appearance whatsoever. Strangely it still upset me greatly when she left me, and it took a great deal of money (debt on my part) to buy her out of our house. I was an ugly person with no hobbies or friends that lived alone in a lonely house. That's how I became "Dead inside,". It was pretty shitty there for a few years ther, but I'm happy to say that everything is awesome now and it was TRP theory that first started me down my path.

TR;DR I was raised by my mother with basically no male influence on my life.