Day 4 red pill

Relationship duration : 3 months.Location: islamic 3rd world country.My goal : find a person to marry.Her goal : the same.My age: 30Her age: 24

I've never been a player, and i've only recently started red pilling myself,I'm educated, BA, MBA, 2 diplomas. and have a decent average career.I've studied in Canada, skinny tall guy, handsome, I've slept with 9 women. 3 in relationships, 6 fun and games.

Why do I want to get married? I'm stuck in a 3rd world islamic country, bored out of my ass, there is no game here, the only way for me to get sex is through marriage, and I'm lonely as I spend my days alone, it's a toxic society and very gloomy, I can't leave, I don't have the money or qualifications to immigrate to a 1st world country and I need to stay close to my parents as they're aging and need help, I also have multiple sclerosis, and i'm blind in one eye, and in my society the SMV for a man is 26-32 (i'm not challenging science, just my observation for my society) if you want to be with a young lady, sometimes the rules change of course, for very rich men they can be 38 and marry a 20 just like anywhere else, but i'm not rich, that's why I want to rush it and find it great when a beautiful girl loves me, I have disadvantages as being sick is frowned upon here (fathers don't want to give their daughters to sick men), and I'm not that rich, I have money, I own my own place and car, I can provide, but I'm not rich, lets say I am above average in terms of the ability to provide.

Now, I am very emotional, I get emotionally triggered easily (mostly I get jealous and anxious), I do have self-esteem issues, but I have them under control for the most part and they rarely surface up I keep them on the inside, I was rejecting marriage for a long time when i returned here and successfully dated (without sex just blowjobs and stuff, that's equal to sex in my strict islamic society) with the least damage, I refuse marriage and LTR and they end up leaving me, I think i was spinning without knowing what spinning was.

What I want in a woman:

  1. good sex, I can only find out after we marry, (islamic society) we did do some basic making out and stuff.
  2. live in my frame: she wants to be independent and have a career and often shit tests me to know how far would I go with my sacrifices for her career. and she thinks men and women are equal, what applies to me applies to her and vice-versa.

3.educated and open minded and share similar interests and enjoy her company: she has all of those.4.I want kids: she initially didn't want to have kids till she was 28, now she's willing.

5.peace of mind: she is extremely jealous, she said I must her everything and I must see her as the best and most beautiful woman on earth, she even asked me to stop watching porn and made a great deal out of it, she said I either choose porn or choose her.

  1. take care of my household: she wants to share responsibilities.

One thing I'm struggling with is accepting that she's a virgin, not in the sense that I think she's a slut, but in my society it is a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE thing for a girl to lose her virginity, she told me she was a victim of a sexual assault, and showed me pictures of her bruises and I do believe her, however, she dated her ex 6 years, from what I know it seems that he was a narcissistic criminal ALPHA, treated her like shit, humiliated her, took her money, slapped her around, she told me he would hit her during sex and make her watch animal porn as it turns him on, he cheated on her and the list goes on.

she said she was sexually open with him, but only refused vaginal sex, and he eventually took it by force by tying her to the bed and making her think it was going to be anal sex as usual, but ended up going for the pussy, she told me the story in tears, her life was a mess afterwards and she got depressed and wanted to commit suicide etc.

ALARM1. after her ex raped her, she normally returned to him the next day and they stayed together for 3 months, she left him when he said the only reason he was with her, is because he feels pity for her, no man will marry her now that she is not virgin and she is a slut, if it was as bad of a rape as it seems, is it possible to return normally?

ALARM2. LIES about past, in the beginning, she told me she never kissed anyone else or been with anyone else physically, later on I found a pic of a hickey while she was showing me old pictures, when confronted she said it was this one-time thing.ALARM3. LIES about past, she said she never had anal sex with her ex it was only that rape incident, never had sex with him, vaginal or anal. she later revealed to me that they used to have anal sex.ALARM4. she dated 2 married men when she was studying in london (shared great man is better than a faithful loser) but this is a moral issue for me. haha i'm so BETA.

ALARM5 too late I already told her about the women I slept with, I didn't know of the RP rules back then.

ALARM6. since she keeps telling chunks of the truth then reveals more and more in time, is this an alarm or is this natural? she says she fears my judgement and that she felt pressured to talk about her past, which i can understand because I wanted to know and I asked questions.

Final.Alarm, after she broke up with her ex, she went on the crazy rampage with men in the city, according to her it was just phone sex and never turned into anything physical, I have a hard time believing this. another thing is that she told me she never sent anyone a nude or sexy pics, yet when she was showing me her snapchat memories, there were a lot of sexy non-nude photos in her memories, lingerie and sexy poses and very sexual stuff, I asked her who did you send that to? she said nobody, I just sometimes like to show my friends my pictures on my own phone to feel appreciated but I never sent anything to them, which seems like pure BS to me.

now here is the ULTIMATE BETA REVELATION.

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I really like her, she's truly fun, she speaks great English and very open minded, we share very similar interests, and I really enjoy her company, I'm attracted to her physically, and I'm aroused by her, I know there are plenty of fish in the sea, but considering where I live, I think it's so damn hard to find a girl like her, If i go for the basic muslim girl I would be so fucking bored, they don't even know what Netflix is, they spent their lives at home, can't speak English, very very narrow thinking, very basic, it's boring for me.

I'd like to add she seems like she's madly in love with me, I tried to end it once, and she burst out in tears and went nuts, she begged me to stay and try harder, and often expresses how strong the love she has for me is. I just don't know, it seems legit I mean it's pretty hard to pull it off the same way she does, she's truly emotional and I think she's very attached to me, In deep with me, Don't know if she's being naive or what but that's what is going on emotionally, she says she knows it has been 3 months, she never developed feelings for anyone the same way she did for me, she's shocked, she's madly in love with me, bla bla etc.

Question, considering my situation and limitations, is it advised to suck up all the alarms and willingly BETA myself into marriage with her, or try to mold her into my frame and see where that goes, or go with the basic islamic woman and just fuck and have kids and have peace of mind, even if I'm gonna be so fucking bored.

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Thank you,

yours truly,the BETA

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