So theres this girl. Known her since we were both about 17. She dated one of my family members(no longer with us) so my family knows her well and loves her. She is always welcome in the family house but she hasnt been around for many years. Earlier this year she comes back into the picture and we start hanging out again. developed feelings for her around 20 and just kept that shit to myself for obvious reasons. After she was out of the picture never had to worry about it but always had her in the back of my mind as the standard to which I hold other women.

We always had amazing chemistry and when she started coming around again it was like we hadnt skipped a beat. We hang out over the course of several months and those feelings I buried start bubbling to the surface after we start getting closer and fool around a bit.

Long story short I tell her ive loved her for a fucking decade and if I cant be with her then I cant really have her in my life. Not saying she couldnt still maintain contact with other members of the family but myself specifically could not hang with her anymore. Why did I do this? Becuase I knew how strongly I felt for her and I wasnt gunna get friendzoned or get my feelings hurt. I wanted to just be transparent and put this shit on the table.

She was into it and I made it very clear I was totally in love with her and if she has even a little doubt about it then dont even bother. Dont waste either one of our time. It will only end badly and surely ruin me. She says she has strong feelings and wants to try and make it work.

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So we are together for a month or so and everything is gravy. Sex is off the charts and i really knock it out of the park every time. Sex is prolly the main thing that made her decide she wanted me TBH. I fucked her brains out. She is super into me. Texting every day to tell me she misses me and calling just to see how my day is. Totally chasing me. Typically I wouldnt be so quick to respond to shit like this but I got wrapped up in her and I would return the sentiments. However after a few weeks I start to realize that if things continue like this it can only end badly. I must pull back a little. We cant possibly keep this up. So I go a day without contacting her and she flips. Tells me what a fucking idiot I am and how shitty it is for me not to hit her up all day. She tells me she wants someone to grow old with and im doing things to push us apart and shit like that.

In my head I think "OK if she doesnt want you to pump the breaks then fuck it. Go all in. This is the woman you want so give her want she needs"

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I make sure to hit her up everyday even if its just to say hi or whatever. But this is the point she starts to pull back. Now im chasing her instead of her chasing me. In hindsight I see that there was too much beta output and not enough alpha. I typically am a healthy amount of alpha but via text I can be pretty beta.

So from here the excuses and whatnot start when it comes to hanging out. Starts getting kinda flakey. Shes not so quick to answer texts anymore. Basically unless I hit her up I dont hear from her. So a week after she tells me im a idiot for trying to give her space she texts me that shes just going through a weird funk and she hates her job and she still wants to hang but shes just dealing with her own issues.

Any other girl I would think NEXT but I love her so I give her the benefit of the doubt and basically tell her I understand shes got alot on her plate and I dont wanna be pushy about hanging but I miss her and she knows how I feel about her so its sucks but ill suport whatever she wants to do to be happy.

Next day she apologizes for "being a shithead" tells me how great I am and she just needs to get her shit together and find some direction and to not stop being myself towards her

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I think ok give her some space again and let her come to me when shes ready. But i cave and text her a week later to see if she wants to get together. She says sunday night. So i text her sunday at 9 and i throw on a movie and before i know it its 1am and still no reply so I fucking lose it. Im so fucking pissed that I put myself out there for this fucking girl and shes just stringing me along at this point. I tell myself I know the games she is playing but I cant next her so im just getting played. I text her and tell her to something mean and to fuck off and leave me alone. She tells me she doesnt need a guy right now especially an asshole like me and that if I wasnt such a fucking idiot she woulda considered being with me(Dafuq?)

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Then I go full beta and send 4 or 5 lame texts about how ive been trying to do this and that to show i want to be with her and that she knew how this shit was going to affect me if it didnt work out and she still played me and blah blah.

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Next day im overcome with guilt for the mean thing I said. Doesnt need to be said here but it was fairly bad. I text her and let her know she cant be in my life but I didnt wnat to do it like this and id like to end it on a more positive note. She says she will call but she doesnt.

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So what do i do? I write her a fucking letter. thats right. Full on faggot shit. Tell her why i was confused and upset. That shes the only woman ill ever love. that i want her in my life if she has feelings for me but if not then she needs to leave me alone and i love her and wish her the best

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Never got a response to that lol. She prolly cringes at the thought of me after that.

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So at this point im 3 months removed. Ive been banging other girls. Got a rotation again but I just want my onitis girl. I know what you all will say but I know what I want. I spent 10 years banging girls knowing that onitis was really the girl I wanted to be with. Now knowing that a few stupid mistakes cost me that makes me sad af.

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I know I need to continue banging girls and hitting the gym and staying on my purpose. Make sure I level up in all areas of life especially studying up on TRP.

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BUT if there is any chance in hell of getting her back what might it be? I know its a long shot and it would take a LONG term game but tell me what you think.

I know I have to be a whole new person next time I see her and I plan on it

Keep in mind shes not completely out of my life as she still maintains a relationship with other members of my family and I will likely see her again if only in passing