I have come to the conclusion that shaming only works on those who are susceptible to it. If someone is unapologetic, no amount of shaming will affect that person or convince them to change their ways, so shaming becomes useless. People who use shaming as a tool to control the behavior of others will only use it on those who are susceptible to shame. They won't bother using shame to control someone who is unapologetic.

For example, I experienced lots of shaming from members of my family growing up. Trivial things like being forgetful or having a differing opinion (in things like politics or religion) would make me the recipient of painful shame from certain family members.

It wasn't until recently that I gained confidence in myself and started caring less about the opinions of others, including members of my family. I feel like I am more respected than before and I am shamed much less.

I think susceptibility to shaming is the ultimate shit test. People will try to shame you for simply being yourself. For your opinions, your masculinity, your interests, your differences, your style, or whatever. They might like you or even love you, but will use shame as a way of seeing if you truly believe in yourself, and some will even use it to control you. If you are impervious to shame others have no choice but to either accept you or move on (or try to find another way of controlling you).

My new goal is to only be apologetic if I have actually hurt someone. I never want to be apologetic for my beliefs, style, personality, sense of humor, interests, or whatever.