summary: I was with my gf for 4 years been fucking a sidepiece for the last 2. the three of us are close friends. gf and I broke up, remain bestfriends. but i still want to fuck our friend behind her back. advise me trp.

Let me try to keep this as short as possible.

I have been reading trp for years and feel as though I have a firm grasp on the concepts. As I initially began reading when I was a babyteen, I've grown to accumulate a load of knowledge while not being mature enough to implement it. Nevertheless I had enough confidence to land a girlfriend in high school and have been with, lets just call her Jasmine, for four years (the last year was an open relationship). I don't know why it lasted that long, because I was definitely more beta than alpha even though I had fooled myself into thinking I was alpha. Four years later I am a better, more mature version of myself and am learning to actually implement everything I have learned here. I broke up with Jasmine because my life is pushing me in a direction where I have to be selfish and prioritize myself, for I have prioritized Jasmine and others my whole life. Plus, I recently learned Jasmine doesn't respect me as she should (her tests are constant and so is my failing of them) so I let the relationship go. I love her, and although we broke up we know we love each other and know that while we cant be together now, we want to marry each other. She is one of my bestfriends. We still have a great friendship although we aren't together. Now, cue the sex slave.

Lets call her Tiffany. Out of the four years Jasmine and I were together, i had been fucking Tiffany for two. We are all apart of the same friend group (as I had been beta and grown up not 100% accepting of my masculinity I mostly had girl-friends). It started because we were in a lot of the same classes and spent a lot of time together. We became flirtatious. Jasmine sensed it and a problem would always stem from it. We didn't stop. We started fucking. I cheated on Jasmine for a year with Tiffany because we had not yet opened our relationship. After we opened it, we had a strict "No fucking Tiffany" rule. Because by this time, Jasmine had gone through my phone plenty of times and seen sexual messages with or about Tiffany. I'd manage to lie myself out, but Tiffany became the only thing we would argue about.

The fourth year we managed to be more discreet. By this time Tiffany and I had grown more than a sexual bond. We have feelings for each other. This never became an issue or hindered our sexual relationship. Since we were more discreet, I had managed to build a better relationship with Jasmine. She trusted me and we were better than before. Until earlier this year, when Tiffany slipped up and Jasmine found out she had come to visit me during her Spring Break. A hot mess erupted again. Because it had been a while without any mess from Tiffany, Jasmine was really hurt to find out we were still being secretive (she always had suspicions we were fucking but it was never confirmed). It also hurt me to bring so much pain to someone I called my bestfriend. I decided to stop fucking Tiffany and be as honorable as I could to Jasmine. From this experience I have two guidelines I now follow: I will never cheat. I will always be as honest as possible. (before tiffany caused drama in our relationship we spoke of 3somes with her. even when things started to go sour, I know i could have had a threesome if I was honest and told her that i had sexual feelings for tiffany. now that can never happen since i've broken trust too may times)

I was honest. Tiffany and I became platonic and I felt freer since I wasn't hiding anything. Fast forward to our break up, and this is where we are. Jasmine is still in my life as my best friend and someone I love and care for. But soon after we broke up, Tiffany and I fucked again. Knowing it is not the best thing to do since I am the person her good friend is in love with, and I'm the person who cheated on her good friend with her, we intended on having that be the only time. We've fucked three times and don't plan on stopping anytime soon. its as though we lose control when we are around each other. We've begun speaking about a D/s relationship and are both extremely turned on by it. I feel as though if we keep exploring there wont be a last time, and that we're not going to stop.

That being said, I'm not sure if I should pursue it since we are all still friends. I'm not sure how comfortable I am sitting in a room with Jasmine and Tiffany, knowing Tiffany is my sex slave and that Jasmine has no idea. Although we aren't together, I love her and respect her. I feel it may be disrespectful for Tiffany to be fucking on someone her friend loves, especially when you take into consideration all of the drama I gave her the power to cause the past four years. I want to be honest and congruent. I don't want any one hurt. And I don't want to be the bad guy.

I've hurt Jasmine over and over with Tiffany, and although we are not together, she will definitely be pained if she ever found out we are fucking. I know that I will carry the guilt of going behind her back continuously.

Am I thinking too hard about it? Am i thinking about it like a beta bitch? Should I tell Jasmine or keep everything a secret? Should I stop all along? I've been thinking of the trp way out of this, and as I have not come to a consensus yet, I have posted here for you all to express your thoughts and advice. Anything will help. Comment away! thanks all.

(Hows that for short as possible)

edit: besides jasmine tiffany is the only girl I've fucked and we've had the best sex. Even if this does mean i should fuck 10 other women does this mean i should stop fucking her?