This post on 'ego states' helped me understand myself better - https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/5ai94z/how_to_develop_stronger_frame_by_understanding/?ref=search_posts

I am operating in the ego state of a child. I am massively insecure. I meditate a lot and I was able to ''catch'' my thoughts and journal them, and for most of the part I just think about useless shit. I think about girls and the validation I'd get from my peers if I pulled a lot of them, I desperately want the validation of being the Don-Juan/Player who gets a lot of chicks.

Now that I think of it, for my whole life I've always chased external validation. When I was a young teen I wanted to be seen as the toughest kid in school, I was obsessed with having the validation of that reputation and I always looked for fights.

Now at age 19 I want to be seen as the guy who gets laid a lot. In fact, I don't even want to get laid that much, I'm craving the external validation that comes with being that guy.

I know WHY I want it...growing up I was sheltered and fat/ugly, but now that I'm not I am desperately craving external validation. Whenever I talk to a girl, I always think of how I can come across as a player rather than actually connect with the girl. And I think this is definitely hurting me.

So I'm not looking for why I think this way, I'm looking for what can I DO to fix it? I know a lot of you will tell me to lift, but it doesn't solve the issue. I already lift, read books, meditate, NoFapping (nearly 1 month now), taking cold showers, etc.

But this deep yearning for external validation isn't going away. It keeps me up at night, it's very easy to say ''Don't put pussy on a pedestal'' but for guys who never got pussy as a teen then that's not so easy.

I know I am quite young at 19 so I'm not really old but I still have this issue. As a broke Uni student I don't have the money for a therapist, there is a free counselling service at my university so would that help? Does anyone have any YouTube links or books to reccomend?

Thanks.