I'll try to be brief, but fuck. So tldr of my life, I was in an accident when i was younger, I received brain damage and doctors said my emotional side of my brain was fucked and I grew up SUPER LOGICAL. Thanks to Dad marrying TWO strippers, and sisters taking after them, I've understood trp principals innately for most of my life. Because of this though I had little interest in meeting women, or even people for most of my life and for the last two years have been working on social game as well as increasing my innate value, but I've hit a wall.

After a very long deep talk with my friend after another night of failure, I realized something. I've never had a lunch with someone. I've never gone out to lunch with a sibling or parent or friend or teacher or acquaintance and could barely call the very few awkward dates ive been on a really 1 on 1 status. And after another night of striking out I started to realize something. I don't bring value to any of my interactions, in life, night game, work, anything. I am 100% selfish.

What i think is this stems from is a couple different things. First off there's my need to always be improving myself, at the current moment my main goals are game and working out. Now this isn't a bad goal. The problem is I'm not nor i ever will be happy with myself. I constantly feel crushed by the fact that someone will always be better then me no matter how much work I put into myself. Working out 2 hours a day, taking "supplements", reading a book everyday, Spending money on a new wardrobe, spending hours learning how to say hi to women better then someone who is too afraid to say Hi, all of it fruitless. I can never feel satisfied with my progress because i will never be better then everyone and I hate that. Because of this I'm always stuck with this feeling of being unsatisfactory.

At the same time though I also feel like i'm better then most people, and because of this I've never felt the need to give or get value from another person. Example: Sure I've got body dysmorphia and every time i look in the mirror all i see is a kid who has never picked up a heavy weight in his life but when i'm outside I see people who really look like that and they could care less for their own well being. And because no one else is constantly trying to improve themselves like myself why would I care about them or be interested in them enough to spend my precious time with them?

Essentially, I feel like i'm better then most people in my immediate area but once someone who actually has value shows up I choke.

I guess if you've made it this far I have only one question. How do I start giving value to interactions? I've always though that once I was smart enough, once I was strong enough, once I had enough mass, once I had a good enough style, once I had a good enough income, once I had enough game, Once I was funny enough, once I learned how to play an instrument, Once I had enough culture, or knew enough words without looking up anything from the dictionary and once I learned how to keep someone entertained that that would give me value but at this point that apparently isn't enough value? What am I missing from these interactions that will make people want to actually stick around?

How do i stop being a lonely fuck?