There is no TL;DR, whole post must be read for context.

Hello. I was wondering what kind of thoughts you guys had on this situation I've encountered. In particular I already feel that this kind of situation is sensitive to discuss about, and as such I've created a throwaway account for it, but I will monitor it as I really need some insight or advice. Although I sort of have an idea of what kind of responses I get will be like, I nonetheless had to ask to see if anyone would understand or relate to my situation. Below I will explain more.

Two years ago after having just graduated from High-school, I met my now good friend whom we'll call Axel (nickname). I had met him and his sister who we'll call Ana, through a friend that I had known since High-school. By mid-summer last year we, as a group, including Axel, Ana, and a couple other friends I have, started to bond together more and really form up what we now call 'the gang.' Now we all get together as much as possible, go out to eat, chill, roadtrips, yadda yadda. I myself am 21 years old and commute to a state college and live at home, as I wanted to save the money, and the old friend from highschool does the same while he is 19. Axel and Ana are 18 and upper-classmen in High-school, and also plan to attend the state college.

Anyways, it wasn't until last fall I had (if I remember correctly) actually met his parents and the rest of his family. It goes Axel, Ana, and then their younger brother and sister, who are roughly 11-12 years old. What I immediately noticed is that the two younger siblings took a huge liking to me, and I had no problem with it. I was an only child growing up and always wanted siblings. They're a lot of fun, albeit sometimes they get a little too crazy. The father is a humble man, very quiet, and very humorous if you get him going. Whenever I see him when the gang and I crash at Axel's place for a while, he is mostly caught up in following sports, or on his laptop.

Moving on to the Mom... we'll call her Christina. I originally met her long before the rest of the family over the summer at a graduation party. As far as describing her goes to give a better understanding of who she is, she's incredibly fit, acts and dresses much younger than her age, and really, for the longest time, it was hard to pin an age on her. She is somewhere between 44-48 years old. Hard to believe right? But I guess you're only as old as you feel.

Here is where things start to get very tricky and the conversation may become taboo. After I first met her, the few times I would see her she was always very happy to see me and very engaging in conversation. I didn't think anything of it for a while. My issue with the development of feelings for her began one night in December when me and a couple friends went to Axel's house late at night to pick him up as he wanted to come with us to house-sit another one of our friend's houses. Everything was fine, and we thought everyone was sleeping as it was 11pm at night. While waiting for Axel to get ready, Christina came down wearing what I never would have thought a mom would wear. Essentially she was either caught in the moment or was willing to display her hard work of maintaining her fitness while she said hello. Of course it was appropriate, but it was something you would see a 20 year old wearing, short shorts and a tight top from Hollister. I hope this description gives you an idea of how willing she is to display her youthfulness.

It was a rolling snowball from there. That same night before we left with Axel she insisted on making me food and talking to me in the kitchen while everyone else was in the other room. This kind of situation would happen plenty of more times down the road. Since that night there have been more occurrences than I can count where I would casually catch her alone and she would strike up a conversation that was to my liking, as it was interesting to hear her stories, hear what she had to say, and overall she made it seem like the feeling was mutual. There's been plenty of times where she would single me out from the group if we were ever around her and basically give me 'special attention.' She'd crack jokes with me, touch my shoulders, or my back when we're next to each other, put her arm around me, and the hugs, oh the hugs are abundant and different compared to your run of the mill "friendly hug." They're warm, long, you get the idea. Maybe im over-analyzing, but the way she treats me as opposed to everyone else is indisputable. In fact, the special attention she'd give me eventually got so bad that my other friends including Axel started to jab me with jokes about it because it became so noticeable.

Soon things turned into a land-slide that I couldn't control. Now I always look forward to any and all opportunities I get to see her, and as it's probably bad to say, I often times find myself a little disappointed when I'm not able to catch her by herself to talk to her, let alone even say Hello to her. I'm always asking myself what I'm going to do simply because I know something is there, and I want to address it. All the glances she steals at me, the way she lights up when she initially sees me, it just kills me on the inside because I fear of making any move.

I feel like it's a minefield. In one way I believe that it's too good to be true, that maybe she just sees me as being easier to talk to given that im older, however that doesnt explain the flirty and interested behavior she exhibits. With that, if I made a move (what kind of move even?) I'd potentially be embarrassing myself simply because maybe it COULD be too good to be true. I'm not sure. I've never been in this kind of situation before with a woman like her.

On the other hand, maybe she does have a thing for me, but she's married! Has kids! I'm friends with those kids! If anything ever happened between us and got out, it could potentially destroy her marriage, the friendship I have with Axel and Ana, and more.

Morally I know that trying to progress forward with something greater would be a terrible thing to do. It would be risky, inappropriate, just a bad idea in general for both of us. But at the same time, I firmly believe that the heart wants what the heart wants, and if its the same for her, well... you can come up with the rest.

What do you think? What should I do? I'm really at a loss here. I've never been in this situation where 'forbidden love' (or lust) could be the tagline.

If there's any questions, please feel free to ask and I'll respond as quickly and detailed as possible. Thank you for reading.