The following words are just thoughts on the past 6 years of my life. No here nor there. I've recently found the redpill site and agree with pretty much everything although the terms are different.

I go to the local dive bar generally on Thursday and Sunday nights, Always by myself and with the purpose of sitting and observing and occasionally having a conversation with an old drunk. Sometimes, I say nothing to anyone the entire night with the exception of the bartender to order another drink.

Anyhow, lately, my space increasingly gets invaded by women who are hit on by every other man in the place. The ratio favors women as I live in a ski town. The thing of it is, is that I find it uncomfortable to be approached and to approach and enjoy just watching the show.

I don't engage because I've actively tried to keep away from society after an event several years ago when I had to defend myself from a home invasion whereby I killed my attacker. As well, I am naturally introverted.

Anyhow, last Sunday, I am sitting at the bar, away from where all the attractive folks are interacting and this one woman stands next to me, texting away on her phone, regularly glancing my way. I look forward, not making eye contact. Then, another good looking woman stands on the other side of me. She actively starts rubbing her ass and back on me while conversing with a guy further down the bar. She too shot near constant glances my way. I continued ignoring both women.

This goes on for about 5 minutes. It was weird, in that the woman rubbing herself on me kept at it. I felt uncomfortable so I asked for my tab to leave. I hate it when people expect me to engage with them. The woman rubbing herself on me says, "sorry I'm leaning in to you but there is limited space and I figured you wouldn't mind." The woman texting to my left scoffs when she hears this and leaves. I mumble that I don't mind and get up out of my seat to pay the bill.

A week earlier, same thing happens except with an older woman who clearly is past her prime. She comes over, says, you're gorgeous, asks if I'm gay or married, compliments my teeth, then we make out for a while. She wanted to take me home and I tell her no. She nearly lost her mind. Her other woman friend comes over and asks if I told her friend to "get away from me." I said, yes, but in probably much politer terms. Then she starts coming on to me so I had to order my tab and leave.

Lately aggressive and loud guys have been coming up to me asking me to not be so shy. I'm not shy and when folks assume my silence means shyness, I get annoyed.

Where is all this going? After my murder incident, I had pretty bad PTSD. I broke up with a girl I had been dating for five years and became pretty secluded and frightened of life. About three years ago, I built myself a log home with the help of some friends. My construction loan officer was a beautiful woman in her mid-twenties, recently married, and I was her first loan. The process was intense and we communicated every day. It got to the point where she began to complain about her new marriage to me on the phone after work hours and how she never has any alone time with her husband. I could tell where it would end up and disengaged.

The only women I have sex with are pretty pathetic women. One was my maid in the Dominican Republic. I told her I would never see her again after the last visit about 5 months ago. She wept. A girl helped me paint an old farmhouse next to the cabin and she recently brought me some meat so I had sex with her. After bedding her, she wept. My current maid that helps me clean a couple of homes, I will occasionally bang. She's started to associate me with batman and started crying while conversing with me at the bar the other night. What the hell is with these emotions. I don't give a fuck about how they feel although I do find crying to be a bit amusing because it implies some sort of feeling.

I don't lift. But, I've lost 15 pounds building the home, splitting wood, and gardening. I regularly submerge myself into a cold water mountain stream pool at the bottom of waterfalls next to the cabin. This past year, I can honestly say that I am happy and have achieved financial independence. I don't make a lot but don't have to.

Anyhow, I would like to engage some of these attractive women that tend to surround me but don't really have anything to say to them. I don't enjoy playing any sort of mind games nor do I enjoy the push and pull of flirting.

I fear bringing women back to my place because I can see their minds working an angle into my life. One less subtle girl outright asked if she could be my roommate without knowing the first thing about me. I told her no and she was shocked.

So I guess my question is, how I should proceed when these women come on to me. Should I feign interest and proceed to bed them just for the pleasure of it? That kind of goes against my morals and tends to complicate life. I also don't want to deal with other peoples issues. As well, I've never really had much success with American women, finding their mentality repulsive, with the exception of a select few with proper upbringing. I feel like just saying, listen, I'll fuck you, but don't expect anything from me. It will be just that. And don't bother me because I'm too busy for your drama. But, I don't want to come off as uncaring or cruel, whereby some jaded lover will come for revenge.