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[–][deleted] 9 points9 points9 points 11 years ago | Copy Link
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[–]Endorsed ContributorAFPJ5 points6 points7 points 11 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
her trump card was a thank you for showing her that it was her all along in her relationships
This is really basic emotional manipulation / blackmail, it's meant to fuck with your head and nothing else.
Women instinctually string men along and hypo-agency themselves so they can keep the guy as a back-up.
I couldn't help but sense that as a cop out.
That's because it was and you already knew that deep down. You feel bad because chemicals make you feel bad when you lose what your body thought was a potential partner for reproduction, because we're wired to feel good about reproduction and feel bad about losing prospects for reproduction. As mentioned, your feelings are normal.
Invoking the frontal neocortex (conscious thought) as a knee-jerk reaction to entering into an emotionally compromised state is a rookie mistake often made by those unfamiliar with psychosomatic suppression.
TRP calls this "hamstering", most know it as "rationalizing". The real reason you should train yourself to shut down conscious thought while in a compromised state is because your brain's ability to form, mold and destroy neural networks is significantly heightened while in an emotionally unbalanced state (this is also why we learn best when having fun): you run a high risk of disrupting or dissolving logically established neural networks when hamstering.
Maintain active self-awareness and when a bout of shitty feelings springs up, don't let them kick your conscious mind into thought. Don't suppress them either - just observe them until they pass; before you know it, they'll stop coming back altogether and you will have gained a lethal tool to keep in your arsenal of self-control.
I'm struggling though :( I don't know how to feel.
I'm struggling though :(
I don't know how to feel.
Your entire post was hamstering: conscious thought in, or linking to, an emotionally compromised state.
Hopefully this fucking novel I just wrote helps you avert that next time.
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
holy/fucking/shit/this was hard to read
[–]Lumberjack12342 points 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Yes. I usually reply and try to help but this is very hard to read. I'd have to go trough it 3 times to comprehend the root of OPs problems.
OP, I didn't get much from it but I identified a few classic mistakes:
1) you let her back after she banged 2 other dudes. If the girl respected you, she would not have done that. Both of you might hamster it in anyway but the truth is this. The moment she touched other dick, it's over. She will not have your respect again after you welcome her back.
2) you lost frame hard. Read on that, classic red-pill.
3)You needed her more than she needed you.
4)From what I understand, at some point, not only did you break frame but you became a little bitch and ran after her like a puppy. We all did that at least once, don't worry about it.
All of what you wrote seems classic beta behaviour. Read a little more from here, you didn't really post anything new. From what I know, all men get trough this kind of shit, some in 5th grade, some married with kids at 40.
Keep in mind that I read your post only 2 times to try to understand what happened and I still did not get a clear picture. Try to improve your writing.
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You probably want a blow-by-blow analysis, but rather than go through all that I'll just cut to the chase and give you the bare essentials:
[–][deleted] 3 points3 points3 points 11 years ago | Copy Link
[–]room2breathe2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You have a right to feel whatever the fuck you want to feel. How you respond to your feelings in positive decisions will define what kind of man you are.
Look man, after reading this shit I can tell you right now you are better off without this crazy bitch. If you can't see it then I don't know what will help you.
[–]2Occams_Shiv2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Time brother. Just time. Any one of 60,000 men here could probably tell you where things went wrong, but you are not in a state to benefit from it right now. Others have already laid out the brain chemistry reasons why you are in such pain. For now:
-Lift
-Breathe
-If possible, travel. (Changing your environment speeds up the process of overwriting established mental patterns...or something. Just go somewhere.)
-Start training Brazillian Jiu-Jitsu, or any other fighting practice where there are next to no women. You need positive male energy. Not female emotional comfort. You need a reason to lift and get stronger that is better than to look good to attract women. Forget women. For a little while.
-Have No Contact with this person ever again.
-Don't read TRP, or any other manosphere stuff. Yet. Just wait this shit out.
-After a couple months, come back. Read the sidebar. Listen to all 13 episodes of the Black Phillip Show. Start internalizing and digesting the Red Pill.
For now, trust that you have just escaped a toxic and dangerous personality, and your life will be much better for it.
Come back in 60 days and post your progress. You're gonna be fine.
[–][deleted] 1 points1 points1 points 11 years ago | Copy Link
[–]2Occams_Shiv0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I shouldn't talk to her anymore, you're right.
Under no circumstances are you to have contact with her.
I also am glad you mentioned not to read manosphere stuff.
At the beginning, digesting the Red Pill usually causes a lot of anger, regret and a powerful sense of loss. You are already maxed out on those emotions. Get through this storm, then come back and we will have plenty more anger and bitterness for you.
Then your life can start.
Working out seems to be the only real solution, it abates my anger, which I have a lot of. I have been working on my looks, and am close to developing a six pack, I'm still carving away, but I got the wheels rolling.
For now, I don't want you to think about your looks. Do Starting Strength or Stronglifts 5x5, or just focus on slowly increasing the amount of weight you lift. Your goal right now is to get stronger. To feel your body and your mind becoming stronger.
In your current mental state, it will be difficult to to force yourself to eat enough food to build muscle and bone, and increase lung capacity and blood volume. Don't think about cutting, or body fat percentage, or getting shredded. Focus on getting strong. You must eat.
Don't look in the mirror except to shave and comb your hair for work. Look as presentable as you have to. Your physical appearance is very important, and there will be a time soon to focus on it. Now is not that time.
You. Will. Get. Stronger.
[–]thick_knees 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This sounds like a story I would hear on The Montel Williams show
[–]TerminusWilly1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I can empathize with a lot of what you wrote, since it eerily reminds me of a toxic 3-year relationship that ended some time ago. It seems that your relationship with this girl was characterized by mutual neediness. She needed you as a tampon for her emotional and family issues, and you were dependent on her for sex. This explains why you were so desperate and unwilling to walk away in the end. Once you blue-pilled yourself (i.e. flowers, letters, etc.) your fate was likely sealed. In retrospect, it perhaps seems ironic that if you had just disapproved of her behaviour, maintained a strong frame, and just walked away, she might have came back to you.
So now it seems like half of you is still dwelling on the break-up. That's inevitable, just try to get over it. Keep lifting, working, improving, and trying to stay sane. It still hurts because your brain is literally reshaping itself (undergoing physical trauma) as it builds a new reality with this other person out of your life. The bright side is, once this process is complete, you will become a mentally stronger person.
[–]colombia40 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I did as well. Toxic 2 year co-dependent relationship.
Was the sex with her crazy as well? Was that the hardest thing to break away from?
[–]Subtletorious2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Stop thinking about yourself. Stop trying to apply logic where none exists.
Your limbic systems is loaded up with love hormones. No amount of logic will make those go away. You can't argue with a chemical reaction. Like a bee sting you just have to let the poison work its way out of your system.
[–]colombia40 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I think you brought up some interesting points about women who imitate your behavior. I don't recommend you try and figure her behavior out, their is no way to put a logical explanation into the way they act.
It sounds like she is a cluster B personality. Stay away from these types gentleman.
"They're narcissist and will not usually fault themselves in any way. Don’t try to figure out whether a slut is Borderline, Histrionic, or Narcissistic. The truth is these disorders often intertwine and it becomes difficult to know which disorder dominates. If you do come across these women, and you will, the best course of action is to run like hell. But if you want to use them for sex, the best way to go about this is hit-and-run. Be perfect when you talk to them, and then disappear for a few days. If you can do this a few time, she will almost always throw the pussy at you. But If you start developing feelings and start trying to figure out her motives, you’re fucked and have months of heartache coming your way.
The Cluster B has zero empathy (they fake it well) and are master manipulators.
Don't play their game, you will always lose.
[–]namasgo 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sounds like you were in a toxic relationship with a girl with a Personality Disorder....particularly a Borderline Personality Disorder. Extreme highs and lows man. Honestly leave her better than you found her.
Girls with personality disorders will put your mind through the wringer when they are done with you. I know I've been there, you're left more confused and wondering if it was your fault or theirs. What you had with her wasn't healthy. Guarantee most of it was her.
Work hard and stick with your craft and art. In 5-10 years you'll be an established tattoo artist with huge clientele. And to mention the other women you'll meet along the way. I have a friend who is a established tattoo artist with his own shop. He's dating a cute red head who's 20 years younger than him.
Focus on yourself, let your emotions fuel your work man. Power through, go get drunk with some friends. Have fun, but don't wallow in your self pity. Women come and go. However as a man, you stand head up and steadfast. That's all part of being man, weathering the storm.
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[–][deleted] 9 points9 points9 points | Copy Link
[–]Endorsed ContributorAFPJ5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Lumberjack12342 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]room2breathe2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]2Occams_Shiv2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]2Occams_Shiv0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]thick_knees 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]TerminusWilly1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]colombia40 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Subtletorious2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]colombia40 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]namasgo 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link