What of frame when I can't even pretend to have mastery over the situation?

AFPJ · 2014-08-28T22:38:26+00:00

Your ranking within any male group hierarchy is determined by your skill at that particular group's mission.

If you are a new guy on the job who sucks and has no experience, you're automatically the bottom of the barrel.

It doesn't mean people will disrespect you or won't help you - men are not as cutthroat as women. But it does mean you are in no place to make decisions or call shots and will have to ask for help / learn from your peers. You can be a student / underling and still be respected as long as you conduct yourself in a respectable fashion.

Senior managers / executives get paid millions of dollars to "hold frame" without any real experience or knowledge of the actual subject or deal being discussed because it's that rare ability to have. Figure out the how for yourself.

An example: think of how an executive manager would act when he pulls in a lead engineer of a vital project that is experiencing issues. The conversation would start with something similar to: "key me in, Jim. What's the issue?".

Asking/Learning are not synonymous with Yielding, Inferiority or Subservience unless you make them so.

TheReason13 · 2014-08-29T19:59:03+00:00

Two things can help you in this instance. Firstly, consider Machiavalli's take on the relationship between mentor and student. Secondly, familiarize yourself on the "Benjamin Franklin Effect" which was an indispensable tool in the work environment for me.

1) Machiavalli reasoned that if you find yourself at the bottom of the pecking order, you must seek out the most suitable respected mentor charm him with your willingness to learn from him. Play the dumb greenhorn and stroke his ego with compliments to his skill and knowledge. Offer to do things for him and with him, ask him to do things for you or with you (see 2). Act deeply interested and astonished at what he teaches. Entertain him with conversation and interesting stories, lies or not. Gain his trust and stand up for him always. He will teach you all he knows and protect you like a son. Never outshine him, this will cause dread and jealousy. When you feel you have surpassed your mentor, keep asking him for lessons and assistance to keep him from seeing you as competition. Wait till the right time comes and then steal his spotlight and/or job is it is within your interest to do so. You can get a nice example of this in the movie Limitless.

2) The Ben Franklin Effect states that stubborn people, enemies and competition for example, will like you more if they have previously invested in you, and so will likely be more inclined to invest in you again. Basically getting people to do things for you will make them feel good about themselves and associate that feeling with you, making them personally invested in you. Then you do something for them and after some time you start the process all over again. You start with small things and work your way up. Eventually you will have their full trust and confidence, they will think of you first when they have the power to provide (promotion, other opportunities). Never come across as an ass kisser, always come in the guise of someone who genuinely needs their skills and expertise for a bit of help. And reward them when they provide it.

[deleted] · 2014-08-30T16:42:08+00:00

Work on it until you gain mastery. You think great things are free?

Title	What of frame when I can't even pretend to have mastery over the situation?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	4
Comments	6
Date	August 28, 2014 10:06 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2ev3ad/what_of_frame_when_i_cant_even_pretend_to_have/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/what-of-frame-when-i-cant-even-pretend-to-have.194422 https://theredarchive.com/post/194422

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