Throughout high school I was not very social at all. I had never dated anyone other than some druggy classmate who forced herself on me after I reluctantly agreed to "go out" with her after her druggy friends in my classes kept pushing me to do it. I was involved in a sport and in some of the arts but ended up dropping out junior year to go to online school after I became too physically and mentally ill to meet the attendance requirements largely due to some sexual abuse I suffered from earlier on. I played video games whenever I wasn't at school. I was depressed and extremely anxious to the point where I was nauseous, throwing up at least once a day from it. I never thought about the future, figuring it was only a matter of time before my illnesses or my suicidal thoughts would lead to my death, which I looked forward to so long as I didn't have to make my family suffer from knowing I was suicidal.

I met a girl who went to my old high school right after I left and we started dating about immediately. We lasted 5 years. We dated the whole time I was going to college for a somewhat useless degree. Her presence made me not as depressed, which let me function like a somewhat normal human. A few weeks after she got back from an overseas trip, and a few days after I graduated with honours from college she broke up with me, saying the only reason was that I didn't have enough ambition. I was baffled because I had the most ambition I had ever had throughout our relationship. A little before this breakup I had read up on The Red Pill. This allowed me to recognize the reality that she likely road the CC while overseas and was looking for ways to justify that by placing the blame on me. I decided not to care.

After that, instead of falling back into the mental illnesses that I had prior to the relationship, I ended up cutting my video gaming down, and increased my hiking, travelling, bicycling, camping, and fishing. I stopped caring if other people loved me or not and began loving myself. I live an active lifestyle now, though I don't "work out" so my body still isn't much to be desired imo.

So about a year and a half after my ex and I broke up I am loving life thanks to the philosophy and advice The Red Pill offers, when my life otherwise likely would have returned right back to sickness and suicide. Better yet, earlier this week I went on my first real "date" with a girl I asked out. I messed up plenty of times during it but I enjoyed myself, and that's all that matters to me. Later this week I'm going out with another girl I just asked out. Now I'll get them spinning while I'm improving my self.

I decided not to care.

I want to point this out. I actively made the decision that I would not care. I felt the disgust and all that, but I quickly realized that I didn't have to feel that way. So I made the decision that made it not matter. The girl I thought I had been with did not exist and truly never did exist. Now, I still experienced a "mourning" state, but deciding not to care got rid of any wanting that I would have had to get back together, and it allowed me to focus on myself instead of my loss. It allowed me to realize my love was a delusion - and a continuation of the mental illnesses that had ruined my life before.

Thanks TRP!