I'm 34, wife is 39. Together 6 years. She's normal weight and still attractive. I'm working out five times a week and 12lbs from my cut goal. We used to have an awesome sex life and now it's dead. What's the problem? She offers sex and I turn it down. I have no interest in fucking her even though my libido is normal. I get myself off a few times a week and that's fine.

TL;dr: How do I suck it up and start fucking her when the idea of doing it makes me soft? I don't want to eat her out. I don't want her to blow me. I don't really want to touch her at all.

Problem: I feel like I married a teenager and not in the good way. I resent having to drag her, kicking and screaming, into adulthood.

I'm a second year med student and she works in tech. I ended up in a school out of state and the plan, which we discussed before I applied, was for her to find a job out here or to stay at her old job and visit regularly. Instead, she lost her job and stayed behind, not looking for a job or moving out here. I had to threaten divorce for her to move out here. (It took her a month to get a well-paying job that appreciates her.)

She's seriously depressed and while she's tried a bunch of meds and therapy, nothing has worked completely. She also has a neurodegenerative disorder that is slowly stripping the insulation from her brain. It means she gets overwhelmed easily, especially after working a full day. She forgets to pay her bills sometimes unless I remind her. She doesn't bathe or brush her teeth constantly unless I nag or neg her, which of course only made it worse. She wasn't like this when we were first dating.

In many ways she's great: does chores unasked, doesn't nag, rarely whines, doesn't spend money on stupid shit, and helps me out when I need it. She's good about asking for things she needs and rarely pulls shit tests. Hell, she lets me fuck other women from time to time as long as I let her know and I'm safe about it. I've taken advantage and it works for us. I know I am goddamn lucky, which is why I am not looking for an out.

But I'm not into her anymore because I had to take on a caretaker role. I hate having to "reward" my wife for brushing her teeth by kissing her. I got used to being a bachelor again and resent needing to consider another person.