trp has helped me do a massive amount of introspection. i used to try to get validation from everyone and everything in the most passive and retarded ways possible. i cringe so had thinking about it, sounds like i am a girl

  • Literally would go out of my way to do subtle things like try to pretend i am good at something in front of a girl. i wouldn't even talk to her i would just do something like make music

  • keep looking in the rearview mirror while driving to see what other people were doing

  • would walk around for the sole purpose of getting attention wtf

  • try to be cool by listening to music or walking tall

  • having no autonomy and waiting to see what the other person was doing

i feel like I am 80% free of these but I look back on it and cringe. i am now realizing that the basis of life now needs to be the fact that i need to create attention based on what I am doing.

you know what is also insane. I see this from my grandpa, my aunt and my mom. they literally have lived their lives trying to get attention from people. like my grandpa literally never created anything out of himself, just wanted to get attention from everyone. but this is falsified attention -- he never had a mission he just got attention for the sake of getting attention.

and this is bad right?