Last weekend I heard a talk from Stanford psychology professor Fred Luskin. Fred teaches classes on forgiveness. He saw me with my girlfriend and talked about the importance and value of a partnership or relationship. How a relationship is a perfect opportunity to practice forgiveness and compassion, to practice listening and understanding, to experience gratitude and joy. How a relationship is a way to practice selflessness. Where for once in your life someone other than your self is important. Showing us the importance of others.

We did a few simple practices that I encourage you to try. First we thought about someone we deeply care about and by focusing on this love we rewire our brain to care more about others. Then we thought about someone who has given us a lot and experienced the overwhelming gratitude when you realize how much other have done for you. This cultivates gratitude for others which has proven to make you happier, healthier, more wholesome. Then we practiced listening as a meditation. This was at an ashram so we do concentration meditation twice a day for 30 mins. Listening as a meditation can only be described by explaining meditation so I'd recommend you try a meditation retreat. Some basic principles are focus, non judgment, open heart and non reaction. He talked about feeling safe in the world. How our brain behaves based on how we are breathing. So breath deep in the belly and feel safe in the world.

Notice how many times I used the word others. Realize that everything is about others. We could not be here if it weren't for others. Others are important. That being said we have all the love, and respect we need inside ourselves.

So this is all good but he also talked about the inevitability of getting hurt. That every relationship will end in death or dissolution. That there is loyalty and betrayal, there is good and bad.

My initial response was unconditional love. I found myself more accepting of the flaws and more able to enjoy the good things. When we got back I called her up and she was on a hike with her "friend" I was taken back. It might be because I read the red pill that i am paranoid she will cheat. She claims he's younger than me i see him as a brother, but the truth is she is subconsciously attracted to him. She quite honestly doesn't see that he is a boy and she is a girl. My heart shut a little. I don't trust women. The truth is women are like this and I need to develop a better understanding of how the world is to better navigate reality. I need to be able to change how I respond to these circumstances. So that my heart can stay open to the women that enter my life.

I've never been in a relationship with a serious affair but for those of you that have been hurt. Go listen to some of Fred Luskins talks. We must force our hearts back open, put a rock in the door. Let go of the past and be more present.