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[–]AlwaysLateToThreads19 points20 points21 points 13 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
"This is the guy who left her at the airport when she flew into town to visit him and didn't even show up to the house, at all, that night. The guy who never once bought her a gift, celebrated an anniversary, or celebrated a holiday with her. A guy who never once came to visit her. A guy who, when she got into the final round of a law school mock trial competition and unfortunately lost, told her "Sorryz. But hey I got a new phone!" A guy who she constantly told me she was unhappy with and felt like there was too much shit to work out. The guy who told her that "you're immediately replaceable" when she had her first real talk with him (not even to break up, just to talk). The guy who told her that he refuses to be with anyone who has pets and basically told her she would have to get rid of her cats (she has not and will not do this). Just to name a few issues."
He just can't comprehend that she says she hates this stuff but it makes her want him. She can't control him and loves it.
[–][deleted] 18 points18 points18 points 13 years ago | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]AlwaysLateToThreads9 points10 points11 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He was.
[–]HalfysReddit2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Emotional tampon - I like that phrase. It's fitting. It also stings a bit - fuck I used to be so naive.
[–]TRP Vanguardss_camaro0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Slipped in the hygienic wrapper, tossed in the bin.
[–][deleted] 12 points13 points14 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bingo.
[–]PolegarVermelho 12 points12 points12 points 13 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
The guy who told her that "you're immediately replaceable" when she had her first real talk with him
I wish I had been born with this kind of abundance mentality. But, hey, living and learning.
[–]fuk_offe2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago [recovered] (0 children) | Copy Link
Same here. Fazia-me muita diferença lol
[–]Senior Contributorwhiskey_bearfist11 points12 points13 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
no abundance mindset, not willing to walk away, pussyfooting around when he suspects shes lying, self hate for being angry(?),
annnnd now hes pining over a weak 4 month relationship in which he was definitely cheated on.
[–]AlwaysLateToThreads12 points13 points14 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
On the other hand her ex just doesn't give a fuck and she loves it.
[–]Senior Contributorwhiskey_bearfist1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
too true. but he clearly isn't the one in need of work here.
[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet11 points12 points13 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A guy who, when she got into the final round of a law school mock trial competition and unfortunately lost, told her "Sorryz. But hey I got a new phone!"
I think I speak for everyone here when I say:
LOL
[–]yankeetiger10 points11 points12 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
She comes over after work and basically straight up tells me she has unresolved feelings for him and is going to give him another chance. This is the guy who left her at the airport when she flew into town to visit him and didn't even show up to the house, at all, that night. The guy who never once bought her a gift, celebrated an anniversary, or celebrated a holiday with her. A guy who never once came to visit her
It's never been about what you do, gentlemen. It's about how you make her feel.
[–]fuk_offe4 points5 points6 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Emotional rollercosters guys. It's not about good or bad, it's about making her feel something.
[–]1favours_of_the_moon3 points4 points5 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dude isn't gonna break on through to the the other side. We all know that.
So... what? Does he want her to lie to him? Sounds like she already is.
[–]jngshin2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you for sharing. God I hate reading the top replies to these threads.
[–]TRP Vanguardss_camaro2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
OP if deleted:
Original post here: http://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1fgwve/i_26m_trust_her_28f_but_am_curious_if_this_is/ So, basically, I let it eat at me for a while and I finally said something. I sat her down and told her that it really concerns me that they talk, it makes me uncomfortable, and I didn't know how I should feel about it. She told me that they only talk sparingly and it's usually just catching up, and that I had nothing to worry about. Fast forward three weeks or so. There's a way on SnapChat to see the top 3 people that your friends snap, and I noticed that his name overtook mine. So, obviously, I was upset, because now it seemed like it was more than just catching up. Throughout the entire time we dated, a whopping 4 months, she always told me that she was very happy with me, enjoyed being with me, and although didn't want something serious at the time she wanted to keep working toward something serious. Again, the time we talked about her ex, she told me that I shouldn't worry and it was not a big deal. So I message her while she's at work, letting her know what I saw and that it really made me upset and uncomfortable. After all, she was dating me, very recent exes should just be out of the picture. At least for courtesy. She comes over after work and basically straight up tells me she has unresolved feelings for him and is going to give him another chance. This is the guy who left her at the airport when she flew into town to visit him and didn't even show up to the house, at all, that night. The guy who never once bought her a gift, celebrated an anniversary, or celebrated a holiday with her. A guy who never once came to visit her. A guy who, when she got into the final round of a law school mock trial competition and unfortunately lost, told her "Sorryz. But hey I got a new phone!" A guy who she constantly told me she was unhappy with and felt like there was too much shit to work out. The guy who told her that "you're immediately replaceable" when she had her first real talk with him (not even to break up, just to talk). The guy who told her that he refuses to be with anyone who has pets and basically told her she would have to get rid of her cats (she has not and will not do this). Just to name a few issues. And now she wants to give him another chance. Not only that, but she told me she can see herself marrying him. [ed. LoL] I'd like to note that two months before this, she not only said she can't see herself marrying him, but that she doesn't want to. So here's my thing. I'm having a few issues right now. First of all, I understand that, objectively, it must seem silly to react so badly. But I have no idea how to explain it other than the cliche "this one felt so much more different." Like, before she and I even started dating, something in my mind was like "this is the girl you're going to marry." And during the relationship, everybody thought we were going to get married. For the first two months (before her ex started talking to her again), the relationship was beyond perfect. I mean it was storybook perfect. And for once, I feel like I really did everything right. I opened doors for her, spoke with her every day, bought her dinner, surprised her with random, small gifts, etc. Indeed, she's constantly told her friends that I did nothing wrong, which is leaving me at a complete loss as to why this happened. So here's a few things I would like your opinions and cold-hard truths about. First, I have no idea what he said in the span of two months to make her go from "I don't want to marry him" to "I can see myself marrying him." But I have this enormously burning need to know. I know it won't do me any good at all, I just have to know. I suspect that (because I've been hearing this from other people) he told her that he turned down a job in Florida and a job in DC for her (he's been unemployed for over a year and is not licensed to practice law in either of those states, so I think that's not only a lie, but really stupid). But either way, how do I control this? Do I just ignore it? Second, how do I cope with this outrageous anger I have toward her? I feel extremely used and devalued. My relationship before her was pretty much 3 years of the same story, so this girl doing this to me pretty much feels like salt in the wounds. Finally, I feel like I'm objectively logical about this, but subjectively stupid. I realize what she did was absolutely shitty for any person to do (tell me everything is OK and not to worry about him when she was secretly talking to him for two months), but I have this part of me that absolutely does not want to give up on her. When I say that we felt absolutely perfect, I'm not even kidding. I want that back. But I don't know (a) whether I should try, or (b) if it's even worth it. And if it is, how do I do it? Do I just leave her alone and let her make her own mistakes? She's changed over the past couple months. She's turned very stone cold and has become extremely hardened and secretive, even toward her close friends, and it's starting to push some of them away, too. That's something else that upsets me, because this dude was so abusive for the year and a half they were together that I have absolutely no doubt that he's feeding her lines about how she doesn't need them and they aren't worth it. So anyways. It ended badly, I really really really like her and fell for her very damn hard, and I'm having the hardest time in the world coping with it and just wanted some tips on how I can overcome this very selfish and (frankly none of my business) need to know what happened, and how I can cope with this burning anger I have toward her for doing this to me. Thanks for reading this guys. EDIT: I'm starting to believe, from reading all this, that it's not that she was the perfect girlfriend, but that for the first two months it was exactly what I want a relationship to be. And that's what I'm holding onto. The more that I can convince myself that there is more than one person out there who can offer the perfect relationships, the easier it'll be to move on tl;dr: She told me I had nothing to worry about, turns out I did, and she went back to an abusive ex. Having trouble coping with the fact that I did nothing wrong and coping with my absurd level of anger toward her.
Original post here: http://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1fgwve/i_26m_trust_her_28f_but_am_curious_if_this_is/
So, basically, I let it eat at me for a while and I finally said something. I sat her down and told her that it really concerns me that they talk, it makes me uncomfortable, and I didn't know how I should feel about it. She told me that they only talk sparingly and it's usually just catching up, and that I had nothing to worry about.
Fast forward three weeks or so. There's a way on SnapChat to see the top 3 people that your friends snap, and I noticed that his name overtook mine. So, obviously, I was upset, because now it seemed like it was more than just catching up.
Throughout the entire time we dated, a whopping 4 months, she always told me that she was very happy with me, enjoyed being with me, and although didn't want something serious at the time she wanted to keep working toward something serious. Again, the time we talked about her ex, she told me that I shouldn't worry and it was not a big deal. So I message her while she's at work, letting her know what I saw and that it really made me upset and uncomfortable. After all, she was dating me, very recent exes should just be out of the picture. At least for courtesy.
She comes over after work and basically straight up tells me she has unresolved feelings for him and is going to give him another chance. This is the guy who left her at the airport when she flew into town to visit him and didn't even show up to the house, at all, that night. The guy who never once bought her a gift, celebrated an anniversary, or celebrated a holiday with her. A guy who never once came to visit her. A guy who, when she got into the final round of a law school mock trial competition and unfortunately lost, told her "Sorryz. But hey I got a new phone!" A guy who she constantly told me she was unhappy with and felt like there was too much shit to work out. The guy who told her that "you're immediately replaceable" when she had her first real talk with him (not even to break up, just to talk). The guy who told her that he refuses to be with anyone who has pets and basically told her she would have to get rid of her cats (she has not and will not do this). Just to name a few issues.
And now she wants to give him another chance. Not only that, but she told me she can see herself marrying him. [ed. LoL] I'd like to note that two months before this, she not only said she can't see herself marrying him, but that she doesn't want to.
So here's my thing. I'm having a few issues right now. First of all, I understand that, objectively, it must seem silly to react so badly. But I have no idea how to explain it other than the cliche "this one felt so much more different." Like, before she and I even started dating, something in my mind was like "this is the girl you're going to marry." And during the relationship, everybody thought we were going to get married. For the first two months (before her ex started talking to her again), the relationship was beyond perfect. I mean it was storybook perfect. And for once, I feel like I really did everything right. I opened doors for her, spoke with her every day, bought her dinner, surprised her with random, small gifts, etc. Indeed, she's constantly told her friends that I did nothing wrong, which is leaving me at a complete loss as to why this happened.
So here's a few things I would like your opinions and cold-hard truths about. First, I have no idea what he said in the span of two months to make her go from "I don't want to marry him" to "I can see myself marrying him." But I have this enormously burning need to know. I know it won't do me any good at all, I just have to know. I suspect that (because I've been hearing this from other people) he told her that he turned down a job in Florida and a job in DC for her (he's been unemployed for over a year and is not licensed to practice law in either of those states, so I think that's not only a lie, but really stupid). But either way, how do I control this? Do I just ignore it?
Second, how do I cope with this outrageous anger I have toward her? I feel extremely used and devalued. My relationship before her was pretty much 3 years of the same story, so this girl doing this to me pretty much feels like salt in the wounds.
Finally, I feel like I'm objectively logical about this, but subjectively stupid. I realize what she did was absolutely shitty for any person to do (tell me everything is OK and not to worry about him when she was secretly talking to him for two months), but I have this part of me that absolutely does not want to give up on her. When I say that we felt absolutely perfect, I'm not even kidding. I want that back. But I don't know (a) whether I should try, or (b) if it's even worth it. And if it is, how do I do it? Do I just leave her alone and let her make her own mistakes?
She's changed over the past couple months. She's turned very stone cold and has become extremely hardened and secretive, even toward her close friends, and it's starting to push some of them away, too. That's something else that upsets me, because this dude was so abusive for the year and a half they were together that I have absolutely no doubt that he's feeding her lines about how she doesn't need them and they aren't worth it.
So anyways. It ended badly, I really really really like her and fell for her very damn hard, and I'm having the hardest time in the world coping with it and just wanted some tips on how I can overcome this very selfish and (frankly none of my business) need to know what happened, and how I can cope with this burning anger I have toward her for doing this to me.
Thanks for reading this guys.
EDIT: I'm starting to believe, from reading all this, that it's not that she was the perfect girlfriend, but that for the first two months it was exactly what I want a relationship to be. And that's what I'm holding onto. The more that I can convince myself that there is more than one person out there who can offer the perfect relationships, the easier it'll be to move on
tl;dr: She told me I had nothing to worry about, turns out I did, and she went back to an abusive ex. Having trouble coping with the fact that I did nothing wrong and coping with my absurd level of anger toward her.
[–]fuk_offe0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Textbook cheating. Been there, not falling for that again.
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[–]AlwaysLateToThreads19 points20 points21 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 18 points18 points18 points | Copy Link
[–]AlwaysLateToThreads9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HalfysReddit2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TRP Vanguardss_camaro0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PolegarVermelho 12 points12 points12 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]fuk_offe2 points3 points4 points [recovered] (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Senior Contributorwhiskey_bearfist11 points12 points13 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]AlwaysLateToThreads12 points13 points14 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Senior Contributorwhiskey_bearfist1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]yankeetiger10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]fuk_offe4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]1favours_of_the_moon3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jngshin2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TRP Vanguardss_camaro2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]fuk_offe0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link