Bit of a backstory:

So, I was a social autistic outcast until 18 years old, where I had to re take 1 year of highschool with only 1 class thus loads of free time, I found TRP. Went from fat to skinny, and put on some minimal gainz over the course of 1 year, learned socializing basics, learned woman basics, got hyped up, all good.

College rolls in, I got 1 year of TRP theory inside of me im like "im the god", I go in and boom cant approach shit, way too much pressure and 'what ifs', I do shit. Thanks to TRP I knew the socializing basics and made friends, went to my first parties, had a blast basically. Of course reading isnt everything so I still failed some socializing norms and was a bit weird at times, and still am, but a way large improvement.

This was 1 year ago, its been 2 years now. Im 21 years old, old as fuck. I got loads and loads of college friends, girls and guys, I know how to socialize, I know how to maintain a conversation with guys and girls, I am now a kinda outgoing guy who chats up anyone.

Situation:

So its all good, I made loads of progress. One problem tho, I was still a kissless virgin. I could get girls interested somewhat to the point where I bring them to my dorm room and watch a movie. I know she wants some dick, I know I want her pussy, I dont make a move she leaves then ghosts me.

This happened last year, I spent that year obcessing over how to get that girl back, how to back it up, how to regain her, how to make a move, what happened why didnt I make a move, am I gay?

Also during this time I stopped gym completely, doubting everything around me and shifting between red and blue pill mentaility. Never approaching a girl, nothing.

Second college year comes up, I see this cute girl in my class, I make small talk with her. Over the next 2 months we get really close in conversation wise, then I invite her out. She agrees, we go on like 10 quick college lunches then one day I stay with her until late, I take her to the train station and she gave me the eye, perfect signal for a kiss. I kinda put my finger in her chin (not in a creepy way) like I was going to kiss her and back off and say goodbye. Next day we meet, I drive straight to my dorm room she doesnt say a word, we get inside, she puts on a movie, we sit down.

I couldnt make a move. I went to the bathroom 2 or 3 times to kick myself to just DO IT.

She left, she then ghosted me for 7 days, came back. We dated for like a whole fucking month. Golden easy kiss shots everywhere, I pussy out of every single one of them. Then one day I call her she doesnt pick up, I text her to call me back. She didnt. We didnt talk for 2 months. I was obcessing over those 2 months on how to get her back, how to win her back and shit. I say fuck it, I text her to meet up. She agrees. We meet up, we start a few meets here and there to check where she is standing. We go on a perfect date, I pussy out AGAIN.

This was 2 weeks ago, last week I met her twice for lunch, those 2 times I said I kinda liked hanging out with her and that I really wanted her to come to a party this week while holding her hand.

I was thinking I made everything clear and if she came it meant she was down, she then called me saying she would come, she did and we met up.

The rejection:

This was today, we partied a bit then went alone for 3 hours teasing each other, eventually her train time is comming so I take her to the train station, on the station alone I finally muster up the balls somehow after 3 hours and tell her "look girl, I dig the friendship we have but I want something more", she turns her body at me, kinda smiles, blushes gets really nervous with her feet and looks at me, im like OH SHIT THIS IS IT DUDE and then kinda freeze for 2 seconds to process it all and when I was about to go for the kiss she then says "sorry but that isnt for me, not for now at least, sorry" and I say "that cool girl, you know im here if you need me" and we kiss goodbye and leave.

At first I was like, wait a minute, did I get rejected softly or was her body telling me she wanted me but due to she being shy af and it being too much pressure on her she just said that for now she didnt want anything to defuse the tension? But then I remembered the world doesnt spin around me and its either a hell yes or a hell no, and that for me is a gentle hell no since she liked me as a friend and dint want to drop me off hardcore style.

Honestly, even though I cried on here for so long about this girl, for not being able to muster up my balls and make a move when she wanted it, for being a kissless virgin at 21, and for fucking up so many easy lays, im happy. I feel happy. I feel like a chain inside me was broken and I was set free, its a weird feeling.

I was able to finally witness first hand that rejection doesnt kill you, even when I could have fucked this girl easily and probably something I did today fucked it up its actually a good thing that I got rejected and I should embrace it and learn from it. Theory reading doesnt replace practice, I learned that the hard way. Its easy to read "if the signs are there go for the kiss" but when the time comes you're like, wait a minute, going for the kiss is actually hard and pussy out.

I just hope that with this it will now be finally the start I needed to finally start approaching and making a move and being sexual to finally stop being a kissless virgin at 21.