Hello all, I’m posting here to get the female opinion on my issue. I consider myself fairly red pilled and jaded about relationships, one step away from being full MGTOW since my youth, even before finding out about TRP or MGTOW. What stops me is my unicorn who I have been seeing for 3 years and dating for two. I have always had a disconnect in trp and mgtow saying AWALT. I believe the majority are, and female nature is fairly uniform, but there are still decent women out there even if they have some flaws.

Anyway, my situation with my current (and only I’ve ever had) gf is that she has a much lower sex drive than I do. She was a virgin when we met and is younger than me and is still ‘finding’ herself.

I’m perfectly okay with that and all for it, it’s just that many times her sex drive seems to be purely reactionary. She will do what she’s comfortable with to make me happy, but I have expressed that I want her to have her own desire independent of me. She usually replies that she’s just not a very sexual individual and is still figuring out what she likes and is interested in. ( I feel it’s fair to point out that she was raised rather conservatively, her parents never had the talk with her and she’s uncomfortable discussing sexual topics even with her closest friends)

I don’t want her to change who she is, or to do anything just because I want it. I want to know that she has her own sexual desires and drive and that she can actively be turned on by herself without me needing to actively initiate every time, I guess I should say my biggest issue (which isn’t a huge issue considering the world today) is that she does not seem to have an independent sex drive or get horny unless she’s ‘with’ me. It’s become an even bigger issue now that we’re long distance as I recently moved for work. Now the glaring differences in our sexual compatibility are front and center and I find myself struggling to turn down advances from other women and colleagues who make clear they are sexually interested, all while my gf never initiated anything sexual and is uncomfortable sexting. When I try to talk dirty or ask her questions like, ‘how turned on are you?’ Or ‘yeah, do you like seeing me do that?’ She shuts down. She says it’s a turn off for her, she doesn’t want to talk about it. She says she shouldn’t have to talk dirty or tell me she’s turned on because I should already be able to tell. By her logic, her tits are out so I shouldn’t need her to verbalize that she’s turned on, feeling horny or wants me to play with my member. I’ll ask her something as simple as ‘oh shit, you’re really turned on right now huh?’ And she’ll go quite and awkwardly say no....

Real life example (not entirely for anonymity)

I get a FaceTime from gf and when I answer her breasts are out and she’s playing with her nipples. I get really excited as this is the initiative I’ve always wanted to see so I say, ‘shit, you must be really feeling some type of way right now?’ And she replies, ‘no, I just wanted to show you. If you get turned on watching me maybe then I’ll get horny because I get turned on when you are and seeing yourself pleasured’. it’s like she’s ashamed to ever admit that she gets horny, and she acts like verbalizing her desires would be the worst thing in the world.

I can’t say exactly why, but this is a real turn off for me.

I’ve done a bit of personal reflection on the issue myself and have come to the conclusion that many of the things I want are the type of things I would NEVER want from someone I considered wife material. They are things I would happily do with a ‘slut’, but at the same time I would never turn around and seek marriage with the type of girl who would do those things. My current gf is definitely more marriage minded and marriage material, but I find myself longing for a dirty slut who isn’t ashamed of her sexuality more and more.

I reason to myself that I would never want to let go of a genuine good girl unicorn who I have a genuine connection with, to blindly fulfill carnal wishes. I also never want my relationship to fail because I cheated (been there, done that), but I work in a female dominated field and there are plenty of ambitious women around me everyday who own their sexuality and make it clear what they’d like to do. One woman has been persistent no matter how many times I tell her no I have a gf, or that I don’t date coworkers. Honestly, I’ve always been a sucker for upfront women who aren’t afraid to take what they want and it’s becoming harder and harder to say no.

What are some perspectives from rpw on this situation? From a woman’s perspective, does it seem like I am making a big deal out of nothing?

Sorry for the essay! Also not sure this is the place for this post, but posting this in trp or mgtow feels like it would be a waste of effort. Traditional relationship subreddits are a hard no from me for reasons I think should be obvious to anyone who has taken the red pill.

TLDR - sexually repressed gf does not seem to have any independent sexual drive, and acts like she is ashamed at the very notion of being a sexual person