I realised I've been doing this since the beginning of my TRP journey.

I know the first rule is not to put women on the pedestal, yet I've been doing it unconsciously.

But it's not that kind of pedestal where you're a nice guy around women.

I don't consider myself a nice guy at all.

I refer to the pedestal of wanting to fuck hot women and making it the focus of my life.

And most of the times, I realised, this desire is mostly validational. To feed my ego.

To tell myself "I can finally get laid".

Quite stupid move. In the beginning, with this mindset, everytime I got rejected I took it personally every single time. Now I laugh it off. I understand women don't matter shit and are not a reflection of my value.

But this validational thing seems so deep rooted that it's the hardest thing I've been trying to fix in my entire life.

I tried focusing on my mission a lot of times. But I always ended up focusing back on women. It's like my inner self wants that at all cost.

I'm quite sure I haven't internalised the RP completely although I've been reading this stuff for 2 years now.

One thing I've been trying to tell myself, is that I must focus on my mission. On building a career.

I must convince myself that money should be my priority. In fact, if I get money, I'll never lack for women (and yeah as long as my game is decent).

Yet, I keep focusing back on women. Just like pick up artists. I make women my goals. I don't know how the fuck to fix myself. I've been trying to fix this shit for ages yet still didn't manage.

Can you tell what's missing?